What If You & Me (Say Everything #2) - Roni Loren Page 0,74

word. You’ve already lied for me. To the police. You’re in this with me, so let’s not pretend otherwise.”

All the air left Hill’s chest.

A tear tracked down Andi’s cheek, and she met Hill’s gaze. “I had to stay calm and let him finish. I had to pretend that yes, I’d already known and that no, I wouldn’t tell on him, that I loved him. Because I knew if I didn’t say that, he’d kill me right there. I could see it in his eyes—the monster that had been hiding behind the facade.” She swiped at her tears.

“I waited for hours until he fell asleep, his arm over me, thinking I’d die if I made a move too soon, and then I finally snuck out. I ran to my parents and told them everything. Evan had already taken off by the time the cops got there, but they tracked him down a few days later two states away, and he was arrested.”

“Thank God,” Hill whispered, his mind reeling.

“My parents and their lawyers made sure my name was kept out of everything since I was a minor, and Evan got convicted on six murder charges and is in jail in Georgia for life.” She met his gaze. “But I spent the next few years having flashbacks, not just of that night and the way it had felt to lie there, knowing he was a killer. I also started picturing his victims, feeling like I was responsible for what had happened to them.”

Hill put his hand over hers. “Andi, of course you weren’t responsible. You were a kid. Being manipulated by a sociopath.”

She gave a humorless smile. “My logical brain knows that. The emotional one, not so much, but I’ve come a long way—with lots of therapy. I still have trust issues, and sex got knotted up with all that terror, which has made it hard to untwine, but I’m working on it.” She patted his chest. “With you.”

His heart broke for her. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

“Thanks.” She sniffled and gave him a quivery smile. “Aren’t you glad you signed up for this disaster?”

He frowned. “You’re not a disaster. You’re an amazing woman who has survived something not many could. And you went straight to your parents even while being terrified for your own life, and I’m sure worried what they would think. I’m in awe of you, actually.”

She looked down. “I shouldn’t have worried about what my parents would think. They didn’t surprise me. They were obviously horrified by what Evan had done to those poor people and that I’d been with him, but they never saw what happened to me as an assault. In their eyes, I’d chosen to be with Evan. They didn’t see me as a victim. I was just a dumb teenager making bad decisions.”

Hill’s jaw flexed. “But you know that’s not true, right?”

She nodded. “I do. Now. That took some work. But it’s left me with a bad case of not being able to trust my gut. I’m apparently a really shitty judge of character. Evan sold me a mirage about who he was, and I bought it hook, line, and sinker.”

“Andi…you can’t… That’s what sociopaths do. That’s not a statement on your judgment.”

“Isn’t it, though?” She shook her head. “But that’s why I’m telling you all this even though I hate telling anyone about my history. I don’t want to be tied to that girl anymore, and because my name was held out of the news, I can keep it in the past. But if we’re going to continue getting together, you should know what my real fears are.”

He took her hands in his. “I’m listening.”

She met his gaze, her blue eyes clear and resolute. “You caging me in against the counter and kissing me? That didn’t scare me. The scariest sex I’ve had was sweet sex. Evan manipulated me with loving words and gentleness, made everything feel like my idea and like I was coaxing him into it.” She pressed her lips together and paused as if choosing her words carefully. “I would almost rather you be the take-charge type—as long as you stop immediately if I say no to something—because that feels safer, more honest. Then it’s about sex and desire and not manipulation. But if you go the sweet, gentle route, whispering loving things into my ear? It may trigger me.”

Hill absorbed that for a moment, processing her words, and then laced his fingers with hers, stepping into her space.