I made a deal with myself. If he talks, I’ll take it. If he doesn’t, then I’ll talk. I’ll learn his secrets, and he’ll learn mine.
“I want to know if you’ll come with me? For a short while?”
“Where are you going?”
“Somewhere away from here. Away from what I’m used to. Some place that doesn’t have memories hiding in every corner. Would that be all right? I … I can’t stay here any longer. Not when everything looks so different but I can’t be anything other than what I’ve been.”
I’m not sure how my sister will feel if I leave again. Biting the inside of my cheek, I don’t comment on that or acknowledge my thoughts of his brother.
Instead I reach for a small plastic bag on my dresser. “I bought something today,” I tell him and that gets his attention.
“You want to open it or should I just show you?” I ask him and he stands slowly, taking his time as his eyes narrow suspiciously.
“Show me,” he commands and makes his way back to me. The bit of curiosity that adds to his charm vanishes when I pull the cuffs from the bag. They’re simple metal, just like the ones he has.
The tension thickens, and his swallow is audible. “For you or for me?” It’s a serious question and I knew his reaction might not be one of an eager man.
“For me. For you to cuff me to the bed and for me to—”
“I don’t need that, Delilah.”
“I do, though,” I stress. “I can admit it and I need you to know that.” Any indication that he’ll refuse leaves us. “I need this and I need you to do it.” I’ve dreamed about being cuffed underneath him, I’ve felt that fear and then a mix of desire. “I mean it. I want this.”
“You want me to cuff you to the bed?” he questions with his chest pressed against my shoulders. He destroys the distance between us until my bare back all the way down to the swell of my ass is pressed against him. “And then what?” he asks, fully giving in to my wish.
“Whatever you want,” I whisper, meeting his sharp heated gaze in the mirror of my dresser. His head falls forward, his lips brushing against the shell of my ear. As he plants a soft kiss there, I add, “You can do what you want to me.”
He groans in the crook of my neck and the vibrations travel from his warm breath there all the way down to the most forbidden places.
“I accept your gift of cuffs then,” he says, lifting his gaze to meet mine in the mirror and we share a devilish simper between us. I can get lost in him and he can get lost in me. Together we’ll heal each other. That’s the only hope I’m holding on to. Everything else can fade away and burn for all I care.
Well, almost everything else. We still have our family.
“Have you thought about my question?”
“If I’m willing to go with you?”
“If you don’t come with me, I don’t know that I can leave. I don’t know what will happen to you. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself not knowing.”
“How long will we be gone?”
“Not long. We’ll keep your place; we’ll visit. I never could go long without seeing my brother.”
“Do you think he’ll stay?” I ask him in all seriousness.
“I don’t know, I haven’t heard from him.”
“You reached out?”
“I did. I apologized.” The ever-present knife in my chest twists at the knowledge that Cody didn’t respond to Christopher. One day I hope the two of them will be all right. One day they’ll work together and be side by side.
“I’m sorry.”
He kisses my cheek quickly and then stands up straight behind me, his fingers trailing down my arm ever so gently. “It’s not your fault,” he tells me but that doesn’t mean I can’t be sorry.
I know his secrets. I know his pain. Even if I’ve never felt it like he has on his skin, I feel it in my soul. It’s etched in the crevices of my bones.
He doesn’t have to whisper them. They’re written in his piercing eyes, the shards of light blue reflecting the agony of years of pain.
“I see you for who you are. And I love you. You love me?”
“Of course I do. I’ve always loved you.”
Delilah
Ten months later
His gaze is sharp; he has the most piercing blue eyes I’ve ever seen. As I freeze where I’m standing