have Nash without Grams. Everything leads back to her. Without her, I never would’ve learned the art of the perfect cupcake. I wouldn’t have a blog, it wouldn’t be cupcake-themed, and Kels really, truly, would not be real.
I mean, Nash and I would’ve met eventually, here, and I’d only be Halle. But without Grams, I wouldn’t have known Nash, I wouldn’t have spent years in DMs and G-Chat becoming this boy’s best friend.
Grams has guided me through every major moment in Kels’s existence—from starting the blog, to making sure I had the best baking equipment, to editing my posts and reviews until the words and tweets felt as natural as breathing.
If she were here, I know what she’d say.
You know what to do, Hal. You don’t need my notes anymore.
But even if she were here, it’d be up to me to fix this mess.
If I keep waiting for the right words, I’ll never speak.
Nash wipes a tear off my cheek and I remember being right here months ago and thinking that I used to hate how he’s always just there. I don’t know why, because now it’s one of the best things about Nash—his uncanny ability to show up when I need him.
“Cupcake?” I ask, offering the container to him.
“Sure,” he says.
He plucks one of the cupcakes from the container, takes a bite, and chews it so slowly oh my God. Each bite is a millennium. I watch him on the edge of my seat, or I guess on my tiptoes, because his opinion matters. Like him showing REX to me. If I can’t impress Nash, no way the cupcakes will measure up for my followers.
He swallows. Shrugs. “Kind of dry, tbh.”
What. I gape, because One True Pastry cupcakes are so not dry.
He breaks into a huge smile. “Kidding! Wow, I got you.”
I punch him in the arm. “I hate you.”
“I solemnly swear that your cupcake is so moist. The moistest, dare I say.”
Once again, I’m laughing and I can’t stop because Nash loved my cupcake and moist is the grossest word on the planet and he knows it. Because Nash always knows just what to say to make me feel better without even trying. Because Old Halle never would’ve offered Nash a cupcake and I feel so good that I did. Because I shared part of Kels with Nash as Halle and the world didn’t fall apart. In fact, it feels more whole than it has in a long time.
Because I have an idea.
I’m going to use three hundred cupcakes to tell Nash I’m me.
OTP cupcakes announcement
Ariel Goldberg ArielGoldberg 1 hr
EXCITING NEWS! We will have OneTruePastry cupcakes at the READ BETWEEN THE LIES launch party at Central Square Books!! Thank you SO much, Kels! Can’t wait to taste!
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Kels OneTruePastry 2min
SO EXCITED *runs away to bake*
[Nash Stevens and 252 others liked a post from Ariel Goldberg]
TWENTY-ONE
Today the College gods will decide my future.
I don’t even have a chance to process if any .edu emails are in my Halle inbox before I am inundated with text messages from Le Crew.
Nash Kim
Halle
5:03 AM
Nash Kim
Wake up
5:04 AM
Nash Kim
It’s college day
5:07am
Nash Kim
Hellooooooo
5:15 AM
Nash Kim
I’m dying.
5:30 AM
Molly Jacobson
WE’RE BOTH DYING
5:31 AM
Sawyer Davidson
You’re not dying.
5:32 AM
Molly Jacobson
AUTUMN IS MIA TOO.
5:33 AM
Molly Jacobson
WHY IS EVERYONE ASLEEP ON THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF THEIR LIVES
5:40 AM
This more or less continues until my alarm clock goes off at six-fifteen a.m. and I groggily text STOPPP in the group text. Sorry, College gods, I’m not waking up early, not even for you. I hit snooze twice, like always, and roll out of bed at six-forty. This gives me exactly twenty-five minutes to choose an outfit and apply the bare minimum of makeup before Ollie and I run out the door to make it to school on time.
I choose high-waisted jeans and a beige off-the-shoulder sweater, then swipe mauve over my lips. The lipstick is a bit extra for a Wednesday at MHS, but it would be perfect for a Wednesday at NYU. Dress for the life you want, and all.
It’s just another day, I remind myself.
Still, I can’t help but check my email on the stairs, in the bathroom, at the kitchen table during breakfast. With every vibration in my palm that indicates a new text or email—my heart spikes. I definitely need to turn off notifications today. But then I double-check—even though I knew it wasn’t going to be there yet. According to Google, NYU sends their emails out in waves throughout the day, because they love to induce