The Weight of the Stars - K. Ancrum Page 0,66

in shock. “I assumed Charlie was your brother.” She walked over to the kitchen area and grazed her fingers against the edge of the counter. “Ryann, I didn’t … You guys must have worked so hard for this,” she said.

Charlie began to fuss, so James put him over his shoulder and began to pat his back.

Alexandria turned to James. “I’m sorry for coming over unannounced. Thank you for having me over; your home is beautiful.”

James nodded but glanced over at Ryann again for some kind of explanation. Ryann just covered her face with her hands and went back outside.

4 MINUTES

Alexandria came outside and sat down next to Ryann on the stairs.

“James went back to bed,” she said. “I don’t want to wake him up. Is there anywhere else around here we could talk?”

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to,” Ryann said. “It’s not—”

“It isn’t anything meaningful other than being where you happen to live right now. It’s okay,” Alexandria said. “Did you really think I’d judge you over this? Stop panicking.”

“I can’t help it,” Ryann said.

Alexandria hummed and leaned back, resting her elbows on the deck. “I came to see you, not your house,” she said. “Come on, then. Tell me about how it was at SCOUT.”

Ryann sighed. “It’s … normal feeling. I went in and everyone sort of just … told me where to go, and I took some medical tests, kind of like a checkup. Then they let me leave. They have dorms there to stay in but I turned that down.”

“Was Roland there?” Alexandria asked. “Did you have to talk to him again?”

“No,” Ryann said. “I asked, but the nurse said he barely comes out of his office when he’s there unless some special project or an event happens.”

Alexandria snorted. “Do you think we were a special project or an event?”

“Both. Definitely both.” Ryann laughed.

“Wow. High praise.” Alexandria grinned. She gazed at the sky. “They’re probably watching us,” she murmured.

Ryann stuck her middle finger up at the sky. “You know I’m kidding,” she said loudly. “But the sentiment is still there, you dicks.”

Alexandria giggled and spread her arms out behind her head. “This is so dumb and weird.”

“Yeah. I’m starting to phase out of the horrified disassociation phase into the casual acceptance with a few drops of hysteria phase,” Ryann admitted.

“That’s a good place to be,” Alexandria said softly.

28 MINUTES

They took a walk down by the orchard, along the fence where there was an overgrown trail and the air smelled like spring and old fruit.

Alexandria lit their path with her phone until their eyes adjusted to the darkness. Ryann recounted her SCOUT visit in as much detail as she could.

Alexandria let Ryann talk until she had no more to say, then they settled into a comfortable silence.

“What was that first night like?” Alexandria finally asked.

“Which?”

“The first night you sat on my roof?”

Ryann grinned. “Well. It was more boring than the ones after it. You left all your stuff in a mess so I cleaned it up. Then I just kind of lay there and struggled against going into your room and snooping around.”

Alexandria laughed. “I’d be mad at that comment, but your house is immaculate. We have very different definitions of clean.”

Ryann hmmed. Alexandria’s hand swung next to her emptily, and Ryann itched to grab it.

“I looked up at the sky and wondered if that was what it felt like to be you,” Ryann admitted. “I didn’t know you back then. I couldn’t have known, but I think I wasn’t too off the mark.”

“You deserve to go. You always have,” Alexandria said suddenly. “I came because I needed you to know that. You’re very self-deprecating and I need you to leave without questioning this. The instant he offered, I knew that I couldn’t go. That’s what I was crying about, not about meeting him or anything. It’s inevitable to me, but I still wanted time to mourn it.”

Ryann stopped in her tracks. “Why?”

Alexandria sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. It was more black than blond now and was messier and more her than Ryann had ever seen it.

“I can’t leave my dad alone in that house,” she said plainly. “I can’t take the last thing he has away from him.”

Ryann tilted her head to the side and considered Alexandria. “You asked me to be selfish. Couldn’t you have been selfish as well?”

“I wanted to,” Alexandria whispered. “God, I wanted to. But I have to break the cycle. I have to do it,