‘Why didn’t you just tell me?’ I ask, thinking of his obscure comments about Kate being a liar and that I shouldn’t trust her.
He sighs. ‘I didn’t feel like it was my place to. She ruined our marriage. I didn’t want her ruining yours too.’
‘How long was it going on for – do you know?’
‘A couple of years I think, on and off. I could never get a straight answer.’
‘Is that why you’re getting the divorce? Or was she lying about you cheating on her?’
‘No,’ he sighs. ‘I cheated too. I’ll admit it. But only after I found out about her and Rob. It felt justified.’
I nod to myself. ‘How did it start? Do you know?’
Toby snorts under his breath and my irritation cranks up. I already feel like enough of an idiot without him making me feel even more ignorant. ‘She’s been in love with Rob for years. I knew it when I married her but I stupidly convinced myself she was over him.’
My throat closes so tight I can’t breathe. Years? ‘What do you mean?’ I stammer. What on earth is he talking about?
‘Didn’t she introduce you to Rob?’ Toby asks. ‘They were old friends.’
‘Yes,’ I say, but I didn’t know that Kate ever had feelings for Rob. She never once told me about them, or ever acted like she liked him in that way. I always thought she considered him a bit dull or, at least, far too normal for her tastes. And why didn’t she tell me she liked him before Rob and I got together if that was the case? I felt like an idiot before but now I feel like the world’s biggest fool that I never knew my best friend was in love with my husband.
‘She hated you for nabbing him,’ Toby says. ‘I think she thought she was in with a shot, then you two got together.’
She thought she and Rob were in with a shot? The idea would have seemed preposterous to me a few hours ago. Kate always dates alpha men, rich arseholes in the main if I’m honest. And Rob isn’t an arsehole or rich. Actually, scratch that, he’s a huge arsehole. How could I have been so blind for so long? If I missed the fact my best friend was in love with my husband for over a decade, what else have I missed? I feel as if our entire friendship, as well as my marriage, has been a sham.
‘I know she tried to be happy for you,’ Toby says. ‘She wasn’t a horrible person.’
I scoff at that. Not a horrible person? Wrong. She wins the damn prize for shittiest person who ever lived. Even though she’s dead I don’t care that I’m thinking it. It’s true.
‘She told me once that you and Rob were probably better suited anyway, but I don’t know, maybe she was just telling me that to make me feel better.’
I make a grunting sound because words are failing me.
‘I think the affair started a couple of years ago,’ Toby tells me. ‘Around Christmas time. I remember her acting odd. We were meant to be going away to the Bahamas, and she was acting out, being a bitch, waxing hot and cold. I confronted her at the time, suspected something was up, not with Rob, but that she was having an affair with some guy at work, and she fobbed me off, told me I was being stupid.’
Two years ago, at Christmas. I think back. We were in the depths of IVF and I was depressed at all the failures, blaming myself. Rob and I were arguing a lot. We’d even briefly talked about splitting up. Rob had pulled away, been distant, but I blamed myself for that too. Did he turn to Kate for comfort? Did I push him into it? Or was he distant because he’d already embarked on an affair?
‘I had her followed. That’s how I found out. Private detective guy. He took photos. That’s how I discovered it was Rob. They were meeting during lunch breaks, occasionally in the evenings, at a hotel in Covent Garden.’
I take a long, deep breath, trying to wrangle the fury racing through me.
‘When I confronted her about it, she tried to deny it of course, until I showed her the photos. She begged me not to tell you. I told her I wouldn’t. Not for her, but because I didn’t want to do that to you. You’d just found out you