glance at the still frame on the screen. Molly Ringwald and Ally Sheedy are sitting on a banister in the library. Side by side, they are the perfect contrast. The prom queen and the weirdo. The popular girl and the outcast. The one who’s accepted and the one who hides in plain sight.
“You think these movies are going to help you survive high school?” I say, the realization hitting me like a curveball to the side of the head.
“Duh.” Hadley presses a button on the remote and the movie continues.
I stare incredulously at my little sister, then at her bookshelf. Suddenly it all makes sense. This is research. The books, the movies, the obsession with Urban Dictionary. She’s trying to prepare for something you can never prepare for.
I eye the remote. I want to grab it, pause the movie, and put an end to this nonsense once and for all. I want to shake her until she understands. There is no shortcut to surviving this world. To succeeding in high school. If there was, everyone would take it. I want to explain to her that she’s only setting herself up for disappointment.
But then I turn and watch her watching the movie, her sweet heart-shaped face lit up by the screen, her wavy hair pulled back into a messy bun, her eyes wide with fascination as she watches Molly Ringwald lead Ally Sheedy into the bathroom for the big makeover scene. Some invisible force keeps my mouth sealed shut.
I can’t be the one to burst her bubble. I can’t be the one to tell her that in the real world, high school doesn’t look like it does in the movies. That no matter how many films you watch, no matter how many books you read or how much slang you memorize, you’ll never feel like you fit in.
No matter how perfectly you set up your day—your life—you’ll still fail.
Just as I have.
No. I won’t tell her this. At least not today. I’ll let her continue to live her life, believing that the world makes sense. Believing that effort equals success.
I’ll just sit here next to her until the movie ends.
I lean back against the wall, getting comfortable. Hadley passes me a pillow and I prop it behind my back. Molly Ringwald puts the final touches on her extreme makeover. I can feel Hadley tense beside me, waiting for the big reveal. This must be her favorite scene.
A few moments later Ally Sheedy walks out of the bathroom, looking like a completely different person—her hair swept away from her face, her dark eye makeup cleared away, her whole face bright and uncluttered. Emilio Estevez’s reaction to her is priceless. His mouth literally drops open as he suddenly sees her in a whole new light.
My mouth drops open, too, and I let out a quiet gasp.
Hadley shoots me a strange look. “You’ve never seen The Breakfast Club?” Her tone is accusatory and aghast.
I don’t answer her. I scoot off the bed, mumbling a hasty good night, and then I’m scurrying down the hall into my bedroom. I tear open my closet door and scan my selection of clothes. I won’t have a ton to work with, but I’ll have to make do. It’s not like I can buy an entirely new wardrobe at ten o’clock at night. I start pulling hangers off the rack and assembling the new look on my bed, trying out different combinations.
Emilio Estevez didn’t see Ally Sheedy as his match until she transformed herself. She’d been hiding under that awful bag-lady disguise her whole life.
Maybe I’ve been doing the same thing.
Maybe I’ve been afraid to truly be myself.
I hear a creak near my bedroom window and my head whips around. My face breaks into a smile. I can’t wait to tell Owen my big plan. He’ll love it.
I run to the window and thrust it open, reaching my hand out to help him with his entry, but there’s no one outside. Only the wind blowing through the leaves of the tree.
Then I recall the events of the night. I didn’t see him at the carnival. I didn’t run out crying. There would be no reason for him to come check on me. We’re still in that uneasy place where we left things today.
I feel a stab of guilt in my chest, but I quickly push it away. Tomorrow, Owen won’t even remember that fight. Tomorrow, I’ll fix everything. I’ll make it up to him.