tell her. “But never for me. Sex ruins everything.”
I need to remember that. In fact with Theo, I always do. Sex ruins it all. I’ve had a few friends with benefits. On occasion, I would hook up with this one guy I used to work with. The sex was good. There were no strings. He acted like he wanted nothing more from me, and I definitely felt the same.
But then he started texting me more. Followed me around at work. Making it really obvious that something was potentially going on between us. I didn’t want to bring the so-called relationship into our workplace, so I told him to cool it.
He flipped out. Threw a fit. Made me uncomfortable. Then begged for my forgiveness. It was a mess. Luckily enough, he moved. Transferred out of our office and started working for Wilder Hotel Corp up in Seattle.
Him leaving was a huge relief. He was the final nail in my relationship coffin. He was the reason I swore off men.
And I’m sticking to that. No matter what happens.
Four
Theo
It’s past ten and I’m lying in bed, scrolling through one of those dating apps—not Rate A Date, that one was for shit, at least for me—and checking out my matching prospects. There’s some beautiful women out there. Beautiful, successful women with bright smiles and impressive careers, according to their profiles.
It’s hard to tell, who’s for real on these sites. Who I could be attracted to. I’m not even sure if I’m ready for casual dating yet.
I’m a long-timer. A life-termer, according to my jerk-ass brothers. Now that I’ve been single for a while, I’m wondering if I should get back out there. Start dating again.
None of these women appeal to me, though. I keep scrolling, my finger tapping at my phone screen again and again, the motion monotonous. Almost boring. Why am I doing this? It’s almost like torture, scrolling past all these women, wondering what secrets they might be hiding behind their wide smiles and overblown profile descriptions.
I’m sure they’re all perfectly nice, but I’m still a skeptic. A doubter. I got played by Jessica, and it still hurts. I’m wary.
More than anything, I trust no one.
I secretly thought I would struggle with being single, but I’ve come to terms with it. After those first initial months of heartache and humiliation, I’ve slowly realized I enjoy being by myself. Growing up in a large household, I had no idea what that was like. Living alone. Having my own space.
Now I’m actually enjoying it. Not having to answer to anyone. Hogging the entire bed. Choosing my own movies/TV shows/documentaries to binge. Eating whatever the hell I want and not having my fiancée nag me on how I need less carbs and more proteins.
That’s a very specific example. One I don’t miss at all.
And if I want female company? I have Kelsey to hang out with. My friend. My beautiful, sexy friend.
I’m scowling. I can feel it. Kelsey is what my youngest brother calls a smoke show. She’s unbelievably gorgeous. Sometimes I wonder what she’s doing, hanging out with me all the time. She could get any man she wants. That face of hers could inspire poetry. Songs. Could make a man do something desperate, like cry at her front door, begging to be let in. Write her letters declaring his undying love.
Not only is she a beauty, she’s also smart as fuck. Quick and funny and a good listener. She gives solid advice. She can drink beer and throw back shots like a champ. If I weren’t so against dating women, I suppose I’d try to go for her.
Probably would chicken out after having the rather rude realization that I don’t stand a chance with her. I’m not her type. I’m just—a guy. I have a successful job and make damn good money, but other than that, I’m pathetically average.
And my friend Kelsey is completely out of the stratosphere.
Exhaling loudly, I slide out of the dating app and decide to check out…
A porn site.
Shit, look. I’m a healthy male in my early thirties. If I want to partake in some porn, I’m allowed, right? I’m single. I’m not out messing around with an endless list of women. I actually haven’t had sex in months. I need to relieve the tension somehow.
Sitting up a little, I scroll through the popular videos on one site, searching. I land on a brunette with cock-sucking lips and a face like Megan Fox in her earlier years. Not that