I wait for my food to cool and stare into space. Something has to change. I saw Becky before I left, and she looked seriously shifty. She gave me an odd look and sidled past me in the hallway. I’m pretty sure she’s guessed something is up. I’ve been taking the piss with the whole no-relationships thing, carrying on with Emma the way I have. I can’t help wondering if it’s time for a fresh start. I’ve screwed this up. Abeo and Oli, two of my friends from work, said the other day they were looking for a new place. We’d be on placements loads more in second year, and maybe living with other nurses would make more sense. But even if we found a grotty place the rent would be sky high compared to Becky’s house.
Maybe I should look into that guardian thing that Jess’s friend Gen does. But she moves house every few months, flitting from one place to the next quite happily. I’ve got enough going on with shifting placements. I want to feel settled, or at least feel like I can unpack my things and not be waiting for the next move all the time, especially with college stress going on as well.
I drop my head into my hands, closing my eyes and giving a quiet groan of desperation. Why the hell did I end up in bed with Emma? I don’t even like her – well, not like that. I mean she’s a lovely girl and everything. But – shit. The truth is, every time this happens, it feels like I’m doing a pretty good job of sabotaging something. I’m not sure what.
I look down at my phone. There’s a message from Jess.
I am now a cardiac expert. Coming home to grill you and see if I know more than you do.
That wouldn’t be hard, I type back in reply.
Feeling a bit better about leaving NB today – she asked for her lipstick to put on because the handsome nurse is on shift again, so think she’s feeling better. X
Glad to hear it.
Oh and she patted the handsome nurse on the thigh in a slightly saucy manner earlier.
[eyeroll emoji] Yep, that’s a sign she’s on the mend. Happens to me all the time. x
I had no idea you were so popular. x
You’d be surprised.
I scroll through eBay as I’m eating. Jess’s birthday’s coming up and I’ve had a brainwave – if I can find her a signed copy of One Day, I think she’d love it. Only reasonably priced signed copies are not that easy to come by. I disappear down an eBay rabbit hole of personalised Game of Thrones T-shirts and diamante dog collars, eating absent-mindedly. There’s no sign of one on there or anywhere else online, so I finish lunch, and take a walk up to the second-hand bookshop. Despite my lack of success online, I have a good feeling they’ll have a copy – they’ve got pretty much everything under the sun stacked up on the shelves there.
‘One Day, you say?’ The bookseller puts down the magazine he’s reading.
‘Yes. It’s for my friend. It’s her favourite.’
I’ve rummaged through the shelves, with no luck.
‘As it happens, you’ve come to the right place.’ He stands up, dusting off his sleeves in a curiously thoughtful manner. He’s wearing tiny, silver-rimmed glasses and looks like he’s stepped out of another century.
He beckons to me to follow him, through a little doorway and into a smaller room, where the air is heavy with that dusty, sweet, old-book smell. He waves to one of the shelves with a flourish.
‘A whole shelf of David Nicholls books, right here. All signed.’
‘Wouldn’t they be better off out on the shelves in the actual shop?’
‘Sell them through a book website,’ he explains, shaking his head.
He wraps it up and I head out of the shop. I sit down when I get back to the house and find myself getting caught up in the story. I can see why she loves it, but God, it’s like a jab in the ribs. All missed opportunities and second chances – appropriate under the circumstances.
By the time I get up, it’s dark. I look out of the window to see a girl walking down Albany Road and for a second I think it’s Jess and my heart leaps, but then she turns to check the traffic before she crosses the road and I realise that no, it’s nothing like her. And I don’t know why,