said, and looked down at Emma’s hand, which hovered there for a second. And I’d like to say that we carried on watching the television and then went to our separate beds after the bells struck midnight and that was that. But no. Turned out I was only human, after all, and that after a bottle of champagne and some sort of dodgy liqueur from the back of the kitchen cupboard, and some pretty direct flirting from Emma, my resolve to stay celibate and focus completely on my studies was – well, it wasn’t as steely as all that. And afterwards, when I was lying on the bed watching her fastening her bra and slipping the impossibly tight red dress back on, Emma had turned to me and smiled.
‘Nobody needs to know this ever happened,’ she’d said.
‘Not a soul,’ I’d agreed. ‘Becky would murder us, for one thing.’
‘Nice though,’ she’d said, and given a wicked little smile that had made me want to pull her back into bed.
Bloody hell.
And then last night it happened again.
I wipe the mirror in the bathroom and look at myself through the condensation. Still look like the same old me – bit knackered, perhaps, because I’ve been up shagging half the night – but no, definitely still the same old Alex. I raise my eyebrows at Mirror Me and suppress a snort of laughter. It’s the most out-of-character thing I’ve ever done. I try and imagine the faces of Jack and Lucy when I tell them. Jack and Lucy are my two best friends back home in Canterbury (who conveniently got off with each other a couple of years back, meaning that now they live together and I can see both of them in one go when I go back to visit). They’re always telling me to get on dating apps and have a rebound shag to get over Alice. Well, I guess I’ve done it. Didn’t even have to download Tinder.
I wrap the towel round my waist and head back to my bedroom, opening the window even though it’s freezing cold outside. It’s ridiculously early in the morning and the house is almost completely silent, but I can hear noises, I think. Sounds like someone’s moving boxes in the room next door. Jess? I check the calendar hanging on the wall. God, yes, it’s the third. She must’ve arrived overnight – I put a hand over my mouth – God, I hope she didn’t arrive when we were …
No. We’d have heard the door, wouldn’t we? She must’ve arrived when I was in the shower.
I pull on jeans and a clean T-shirt, running my hand back through my hair to shove it into place. Even if Jess had heard, she wasn’t likely to say anything. It didn’t have to be a big deal. Even if I have to have a conversation with Becky about the whole no-couples thing … well, it’s not like we’re actually a couple.
This is all completely new ground for me, though, and it’s weird. Jack and Lucy always took the piss out of me for being an old romantic, but the thing is, what happened with Alice really took the wind out of my sails. I loved her, and I thought we were going to do the whole married, house, kids, dogs thing – especially the dogs, I’ve always wanted a golden retriever – but it floored me completely when she told me it was over. I was a complete mess for ages, but I’ve got a grip now. I’m just not putting myself in that place again for a long time. Relationships are not for me.
I’m glad Jess is back. Now the house is full, it feels sort of … complete, somehow. I’m sure she said she’s not starting work until the second week of January. Maybe I’ll see if she fancies coming for a walk tomorrow, to find her feet a bit. It’ll be nice to have a friend who’s a girl, and not a girlfriend. I miss Lucy’s point of view on things – since she and Jack got together they basically come as a package.
I lace up my boots and I think about Jess chopping limes and chatting to me in the kitchen. Grudgingly, I have to admit to myself that in another life, Jess would be completely my type. She’s funny and she’s interesting, and I love the fact that she’s doing the same as me: taking the plunge to try something new and start