I shake my head. “Just her face. Nothing more. Last fall she came to visit her brother in Burlington, and I took one look and just knew we’d met before.” And that I’d liked her.
“Okay,” Lenore says. “So that’s a complication most college guys don’t have to deal with.”
“Yeah, I’m still trying to figure out what happened that other time. Apparently we shared a ride home for a weekend. Maybe I was an ass to her.”
Lenore folds her hands. “But why would you make that assumption about yourself? Are you an ass to Daphne now?”
“No.”
“Then you probably weren’t then.”
“You’d think.” But I’m not so sure. “Daphne seems wary of me, but she won’t say why. Maybe it doesn’t have anything to do with me.”
Except I think it does.
Lenore looks thoughtful. “Tell me why you find her attractive. What is Rickie Ralls’s type?”
This is a much easier question. “She’s super pretty. Tall, with dark hair and legs for days. But she’s also kind of prickly. She makes me work for a smile, you know? She’s angry about something, and I haven’t figured out what yet.”
“Huh,” Lenore says, clicking her pen a couple of times. “You like your women complicated. What a shock.”
“Oh, shut up.”
She laughs. “I’m thrilled for you, honestly.”
“Why? I just told you I’m not getting any.”
“You’ve always told me what a player you used to be. I’ve heard you call yourself a slut many times. But I’ve been seeing you for, what, a year?”
“Yeah.” My first psychologist retired, and then I lucked into Lenore when the psych department offered me a postdoc for therapy.
“Well, this has been an open question for me. Since we’ve been meeting, you told me right off the bat that you enjoyed sex with both men and women. And since then you haven’t mentioned any new romantic or sexual relationships.”
“I haven’t been very interested in sex since my accident.”
“Okay.” She shrugs. “Does that seem a little strange? You’re handling school full time. You have friends. You go to parties. You call yourself a slut. But you don’t have sex.”
“Long recoveries aren’t very sexy. At the beginning, my ribs hurt so badly that I couldn’t have imagined anyone touching me.”
“Sure. Fine. But you’re strong now. Why does a self-described slut stay away from the fine women and men of Burlington U?”
I shift in my chair. “Not sure.”
“Let me ask it another way—have you been tempted before? Any hookups at all since your accident?”
“Not really. There was one party early on when I was trying extra hard to be a regular guy. I had some drinks and walked a girl back to her place. But I realized I wasn’t feeling it, so I bailed.”
“How far did it go?” she asks softly.
“Not far. Making out on the couch.” I feel my face redden, because I know what she’s going to ask next. Someday I’m going to be an amazing shrink. But today it’s still me in the hot seat.
“When you say you weren’t feeling it, was that in your mind, or in your body?”
Yup. Bingo. “It was both, actually.”
“That must have been uncomfortable for you?”
“Excuses were made.” I clear my throat. “But you’re right, I was pretty embarrassed when my soldier wouldn’t stand up and salute. Not sure she even noticed. But I just wanted to get out of there.”
Lenore nods. She waits.
“After that I just didn’t bother. And you know I’m still a little weird about needing to sleep by myself.” That’s putting it mildly. Since my accident, I can’t sleep without locking the bedroom door. And I wake up several times a night, just making sure I’m still alone. It’s a true phobia, and Lenore and I discuss it all the time. “Who wants to sleep with a guy who won’t share his bed?”
“Oh, please.” Lenore actually rolls her eyes. “If memory serves, that’s like half of all college guys. Besides, a real slut could figure out how to hook up in the daylight. Boom. Problem solved.”
It’s my turn to crack up, because Lenore is just the best.
“So now there’s one woman who’s turned your head, right?”
“Oh hell yes.”
“You’ve got your flirt on, then? Flirting seems to be your default setting, anyway.”
She’s not wrong. “Yeah, I’m doing my best. But she seems to have a lot on her mind.”
“Unless she’s just not attracted to you.”
“That is not the issue.”
Lenore smirks. “No matter what, this is a good thing. Even if you don’t lure Daphne into your clutches, maybe your libido is waking up for good.”