to be coffee. I brush my teeth with my finger and change into a fresh shirt that my lawyer brought me. I wonder if he buys them in bulk, for every time he needs to make a loser look presentable.
There’s no help for my broken face, though. My face is throbbing with pain, and my nose is so swollen that it’s distracting in my field of vision.
I’m handcuffed again for the trip out of my cell. The cops lead me down a series of hallways and into a dingy room where my lawyer is waiting. An ancient sign reading COURTROOM ENTRANCE is affixed to another door.
“You clean up nice,” my lawyer says with a chuckle.
“Oh, we’re doing comedy now?” I growl.
“Laugh or cry, kid. Sometimes those are the only choices. Listen—we step inside that courtroom, you let me do all the talking. You get one spoken line in this drama. After I enter your plea, the judge will ask if that is correct, and you'll say: Yes your honor. That's it.”
“Okay.”
“So don’t keep me waiting. What's it going to be?”
“I haven't decided.”
“Oh, Richard. They told me you were a genius.”
I snort. “Who did?”
“Your girl and her sister.”
“They’re not here, are they?” I don’t know how I’m supposed to make this choice, knowing that other people will be affected.
He actually rolls his eyes. “Don't look to the girlfriend for advice. It's your ass on the line. No handcuffs on her.”
“But she's affected by this. If there's a trial…”
“Let's go!” says a uniformed bailiff. He swings the door open.
"Chin up," my lawyer says, stepping into the courtroom ahead of me. And then I hear him add, "Holy smokes, that’s a big crowd.”
I follow him into a large room. We’re up front, by the judge’s dais. There are already several handcuffed defendants seated on benches near the front, most with a lawyer seated beside them.
But my lawyer's gaze is on a cluster of guys with sharp suits, silk ties and shining haircuts on the other side of the room.
They're all staring at me. Every one of them.
Suddenly my skin feels hot and tight. And I'm way too conscious of my unwashed hair and my damaged face. I look like something dragged in from the gutter. And those men are here to make me feel small and afraid.
It's working.
"Look over there,” my lawyer whispers. "They want your attention."
I turn and spot May Shipley. But only May, not Daphne. And then I notice the man standing next to her.
My father. His expression is… I can barely stand it. The man looks devastated.
So this is what total humiliation feels like. I thought I was done leveling up in all the ways I’d disappointed him. But this is much worse than suing his alma mater. He's here to watch me become a goddamn criminal.
Fuck. My throat goes dry and my eyes are hot.
“Follow me,” the lawyer says. He grabs my arm and steers me up the aisle toward an empty bench at the back of the loser section.
I sit down and face the judge. I take a deep yoga breath, and I feel grateful that Daphne isn't here. I'm desperate to know what she'd want me to do. But I don't actually want her to witness this.
On the one hand, she wouldn't want Halsey to win. I know this.
On the other hand, I don't want to cause her any more pain than I already have. I don't want to make her testify on account of my screwups. She’d hate that.
It’s all sinking in now. Daphne and I won’t survive this. I’ve already lost her. It started the moment I failed to mention that Halsey’s face looked familiar. And it ended when I attacked him in front of her.
Swear to God, losing Daphne will hurt more than having a misdemeanor on my record. But how many times can I fail her? First I stood her up. Then I held back information, even though I know she has trust issues. I can’t make her testify at a trial involving two men who failed her.
I’ll take the plea deal and spare her the rest. It’s the least I can do.
Someone clears her throat behind me. “Rickie.” It’s May Shipley’s voice.
“Son,” my father whispers.
I don’t want to turn around.
My lawyer pokes me.
Fuck. I swivel my busted face over my shoulder and lock eyes with May. “Fight it,” she hisses. “Don’t let him win.”
I give a slow blink, because this is definitely surprising. May of all people should know what a trial