to make room for cargo. Over the decades of trade, islands of stone rose up from the sea floor. The slaves gathered the cut stones and built the chapel, which looked like something straight off the streets of London. Given that the walls were four stones thick, almost two feet, it was cool inside during the summer and, come September, a strong shelter against the Atlantic storms. On the other hand, the slaves’ homes were made from tabby—a form of durable, pourable concrete made from available elements, including small shells.
I lay in bed listening to the rain on the tin roof above me. Soft at first. Then a downpour.
The dream is always the same, and unlike most dreams, I know I’m dreaming this one. I just can’t wake up. Or maybe I don’t want to. It’s my wedding day. Sunshine. Breeze. She is resplendent. Glowing. She walks the aisle. Takes my hand. “I will.” “I do.” I lean in and try to kiss her. Millimeters from her touch, I can feel her breath on my face. But it’s a dream where one millimeter equals a million miles. No kiss.
We are whisked to the limo where my best man dons a “James” hat and cracks jokes. “Yes’m, Miss Daisy.” She and I sit in the back seat. Giddy. Over the moon. It’s a dream, so I can say things like that. She looks with longing out the window, places a hand on my thigh. “Can’t we just skip the reception? I don’t want to wait.”
We arrive at the reception. There is champagne. She pulls me aside, her bottom lip trembling. A tear in the corner of her eye. “You sure you want me?”
I lean in, try to kiss her. A millimeter stands in the way.
We process in. Or parade as the case may be. First the wedding party. Then us. Applause. Shouts. Whistles. A band plays. Lights flash. A disco ball spins. We wind our way around to the head table amid well wishes and handshakes and hugs. The room is a sea of flowers and tuxedos and diamonds and high heels and laughter. Another toast, another attempted kiss, but the distance is now two million miles. We stand, and she takes my hand to lead me to the dance floor. Our first dance. Mr. and Mrs.
All the world is right.
My best man stands. Wobbles. He’d started early. He toasts us. Just so happy for you. He has a gift. From him to us. He’d worked hard on it and wanted to wait until now to give it to us.
The room is silent as I open it. She watches. She has slid her hand inside my arm.
Even in my dream I know I’m about to wake up. I try to stop. To stay sleeping. But it’s no good. I never make the dance. Not in the dream. Not in real life. Not once.
I wake sweating. Heart racing. Unable to catch my breath. It’s always the same. I hate that dream.
On that morning, I splashed my face and was in the process of boiling water for my Chemex when the phone rang. I didn’t need to look at caller ID. Obviously, she’d read my email. She was crying when I answered. She collected herself enough to say, “Hey . . . You okay?”
“I’m staring at the green side of the grass.” She laughed, a release of emotion. I continued, “How are you making it? How’s New York?”
Another sniffle. I heard paper shuffling. “Didn’t know I could hurt like this. Even for someone as jaded as me.” She blew her nose. “You really doing it?”
“Told him I would.”
“And Marie?”
I leaned against the wall and my eye fell on the purple urn. Resting on the kitchen table. “Not yet. One at a time.”
“Want some company? I’ll fly down. Whatever you need, you know that.”
“City girl like you? No A/C. No Wi-Fi. No Starbucks. You’d lose your ever-loving mind.” She laughed. Let out the breath she’d been holding. I continued, “Think I’d better do this one on my own.”
“How long will you be gone?”
I didn’t have an answer. “Week. Month.” I rubbed my eyes. “Don’t really know.”
“Last time you were down there a year.” She faked a laugh. “Don’t make me come down there and find you.”
“You’re good at that.” The memory of the bar returned. “Might be tough to find me this time.”
“I did it once.”
I laughed. “True. But I think that was luck.”
I heard her smile and light a cigarette, which meant she