security alarms going off, but it hadn't stopped, not even once I’d gotten home. It wasn't until I'd climbed shakily into the shower and given in to the adrenaline crash that had taken place shortly thereafter that I'd realized the ringing hadn't been real.
None of it had been real, I reminded myself as I ignored the people around me and made my way to the elevator that would lead to the executive floors. I stopped in surprise when I saw a couple of beefy-looking security guards standing on each side of the check-in desk. There were more guards along with what I could only assume were metal detectors between the lobby and the bank of elevators.
What the hell?
Despite it being a Saturday, the lobby was still somewhat busy. That was because work at TDS never stopped. There were always deals to be made and money to add to the coffers. But for the first time, I regretted that Mondays and Saturdays almost looked the same. I would've given anything to not have to deal with any people today.
I felt like I was in a fog as I worked my way through the new process of having my ID actually checked and then needing to walk through the metal detector.
So much for thinking that all of this would pass.
A part of me couldn't help but be a little thankful for the beefed-up security but knowing that I was the cause of it made me sick to my stomach. There would be no living down this moment… this moment when Nikolai Falkov had made a fool of me in front of the very people I'd been working to prove myself to.
As I escaped into one of the elevators and quickly hit the button to prevent anyone else from getting on with me, I allowed my thoughts to drift back to the place they'd been all night.
Get it together, Jude. Focus.
I used the couple of minutes of freedom I had to straighten my tie and smooth down the wrinkles that I was sure had somehow magically appeared in my suit. By the time I stepped off the elevator, I felt a little bit more like myself and I managed to get my racing mind back on track. The events of the night before meant I hadn't finished reading through the various contracts I'd been hoping to get signed off on before Monday and I'd been too jittery to attempt to read them at home. I reminded myself that there would still be weeks of days like this. Endless days where I had to push myself to the limit. But it would all be worth it. Every lost hour of sleep, every headache from forcing myself to work beyond my brain’s naturally set limits… it would all be proof that those looks of pity were wasted on me. That they'd always been wasted on me.
As I left the elevator and rounded the corner that led to my office on the east side of the building, I blessedly managed to avoid running into anyone. That was, until I reached my office. Just outside the door was yet another security guard, though he wasn't someone I recognized. I knew it had to be Cliff just taking extra precautions, so I didn't spare the guard any mind as I moved past him and into the office. I also tried to convince myself that the nerves in my belly had nothing to do with a complete stranger, and an armed one at that, standing outside my door.
Despite being pissed at Cliff for hiring Falkov in the first place, I knew he’d meant well. And I doubted that he had any idea that he'd hired a mercenary wannabe instead of an actual security professional. In any case, I needed to give Cliff some time to deal with the close call that hadn't really been one. But the last thing I needed was for him to keep sending so-called protection my way. I understood that the older man was worried about me, but his insistence on providing me with my very own bodyguard not only perpetuated the rumors about my relationship with him, it also allowed for self-doubt to creep in where it wasn't welcome. I'd been taking care of myself my entire life and nothing and no one would change that. I didn't believe in fate.
Fate was just an excuse people used to not push themselves.
By the time I reached my office door, I almost felt like myself again.