young actress or model on his arm in his early years, but his admission made me wonder if any of those relationships had stuck.
“You never met someone else?” I asked.
“Met plenty of folks. None of those women could hold a candle to my Cassie, though. I’m not sayin’ I was a saint…” Cliff shrugged his shoulders. “Only so many times a man can wake up in a strange bed and forget the name of the person lyin’ beside him. Gave all that up a long time ago.”
“What happened to Cassandra, Cliff?”
“She got tired of waitin’ for me to come back for her so she decided to go to me. She always was a spirited one. She stole her daddy’s car. Weather was bad that night as she was comin’ down off the mountain. Car went over the edge. Cassie was pinned but her older sister who’d gotten in the car to try and stop her from leavin’ managed to crawl out and find help. Cassie was gone by the time they got to her.”
“I’m sorry, Cliff,” I said softly because I didn’t know what else to say.
“Too damn short,” he murmured in response. His eyes lifted and pinned me. “You hear me, son?”
I nodded. It didn’t surprise me in the least that he knew about Nikolai. I hadn’t told him why I was hiding out at his estate but the men who’d come and gotten me had witnessed everything and had undoubtedly told Cliff.
“It’s not the same thing,” I said when Cliff continued to study me.
Cliff finally dropped his eyes. “Well, nothing for you to worry about anyway,” he said. “I called Smithfield this morning. That Russian fellow’s been fired.”
“What?” I said in disbelief as I stepped forward. “Why?”
Cliff shrugged. “Didn’t ask. I pulled the contract. That Falkov guy was all talk anyway. Those new security measures he recommended—”
“Were amazing,” I interrupted. “Everyone felt safer and he made me realize…”
“What?” Cliff asked, his mouth pulling into a frown. “What did he make you realize?”
“Nothing,” I said as I became aware I was treading in waters I had no interest being in. “Never mind.”
Cliff waved his hand. “Premier will take over again. They’ll see to your security going forward.”
I shook my head but before I could say anything, Cliff added, “Just until they’ve determined who’s been sending the letters and who was in your apartment.”
“How did you know about that?” I asked. I purposefully hadn’t told Cliff about the intruder in my apartment because I hadn’t wanted to worry him.
“I have ears,” was all Cliff said.
I crossed my arms as nerves set in. I didn’t want anyone else watching me. That was Nikolai’s job.
Where the hell had that come from?
“You need to call Smithfield back and tell them…”
Cliff paused again, this time clearly irritated. The man wasn’t used to anyone telling him what to do.
“Tell them what?”
“That it was my fault,” I said. “Just tell them that what happened between me and Nikolai was my fault. I can’t… I can’t make you keep your contract with them, but Nikolai doesn’t deserve to lose his job.”
As I said the words, I realized they were entirely true. Nikolai had done his job. He’d kept me safe. Everything that had happened outside of that didn’t matter when it came to his work.
“Was it his job to detain you when you clearly wanted to leave your apartment to come here?” Cliff asked, his voice low with anger.
“Yes. No… Jesus,” I snapped because the goddamn ringing was back in my head. I turned my back on Cliff and tried to get control of myself. I imagined my cars lined up on my nightstand but no matter what I did, I couldn’t go there in my head. I couldn’t get back to those moments where I hadn’t been worth keeping. And when that voice in my head showed up, it wasn’t my own but someone else’s.
It's okay, Jude, I've got you.
Nikolai.
I nearly cried because I knew he wasn’t really in there. I was remembering the night I’d spent in his apartment after mine had been broken into. I’d fallen apart after I’d realized how badly I needed my stupid cars. Nikolai had offered comfort with his arms rather than judgment with his words.
The way you respond when I touch you… It's real, honest. You don't hide when we’re like this.