The Wasp Factory Page 0,73

the left-hand side. A holiday home just south of Inverness had gone up in flames shortly before the paper went to press. The police were still investigating.

I went back to the other end of the table, sat down.

We eventually had the curry and the salad, and I started sweating again. I used to think that I was weird because I found that the morning after I had eaten a curry my armpits smelled of the stuff, but I have since found that Jamie has experienced the same effect, so I don’t feel so bad. I ate the curry and had a banana and some yoghurt along with it, but it was still too hot, and my father, who has always had a rather masochistic approach to the dish, left almost half of his.

I was still in my dressing-gown, sitting watching the television in the lounge, when the phone went. I started for the door, but heard my father go from his study to answer it, so I stayed by the door to listen. I couldn’t hear much, but then footsteps came down the stairs and I ran back to my chair, flopped into it and put my head over on one side, eyes closed and mouth open. My father opened the door.

‘Frank. It’s for you.’

‘H’m?’ I said slowly, opening my eyes gummily, looking at the television, then getting up a little unsteadily. My father left the door open for me and retreated to his study. I went to the phone.

‘M’m? Hello?’

‘’allah-oh, zet Frenk?’ said a very English voice.

‘Yes, hello?’ I said, puzzled.

‘Heh-heh, Frankie boy!’ Eric shouted. ‘Well, here I am, in your thorax of the woods and still eating the old hot dogs! Ho ho! So how are ye, me young bucko? Stars going OK for you, are they? What sign are you, anyway? I forget.’

‘Canis.’

‘Woof! Really?’

‘Yeah. What sign are you?’ I asked, dutifully following one of Eric’s old routines.

‘Cancer!’ came the screamed reply.

‘Benign or malignant?’ I said tiredly.

‘Malignant!’ Eric screeched. ‘I’ve got crabs at the moment!’

I took my ear away from the plastic while Eric guffawed. ‘Listen, Eric—’ I began.

‘How’re ye doin’? How’s things? Howzithingin’? Are you well? Howzitgon? Andyerself? Wotchermait. Like where’s your head at this moment in time? Where are you comin’ from? Christ, Frank, do you know why Volvos whistle? Well, neither do I, but who cares? What did Trotsky say? “I need Stalin like I need a hole in the head.” Ha ha ha ha ha! Actually I don’t like these German cars; their headlights are too close together. Are ye well, Frankie?’

‘Eric—’

‘To bed, to sleep; perchance to masturbate. Ah, there’s the rub! Ho ho ho!’

‘Eric,’ I said, looking round and up the stairs to make sure my father was nowhere in evidence. ‘Will you shut up!’

‘What?’ Eric said, in a small, hurt voice.

‘The dog,’ I hissed. ‘I saw that dog today. The one down by the new house. I was there. I saw it.’

‘What dog?’ Eric said, sounding perplexed. I could hear him sigh heavily, and something clattered in the background.

‘Don’t try to mess me around, Eric; I saw it. I want you to stop, understand? No more dogs. Can you hear me? Do you get it? Well?’

‘What? What dogs?’

‘You heard. You’re too close. No more dogs. Leave them alone. And no kids, either. No worms. Just forget about it. Come and see us if you want to - that’d be nice - but no worms, no burning dogs. I’m serious, Eric. You’d better believe it.’

‘Believe what? What are you talking about?’ he said in a plaintive voice.

‘You heard,’ I said, and put the phone down. I stood by the telephone, looking upstairs. In a few seconds it rang again. I picked it up, heard pips go, and replaced it on the cradle. I stayed there for a few more minutes, but nothing else happened.

As I started to go back to the lounge my father came along from the study, wiping his hands on a cloth, followed by odd smells, his eyes wide.

‘Who was that?’

‘Just Jamie,’ I said, ‘putting on a funny voice.’

‘Hnnh,’ he said, apparently relieved, and went back.

Apart from his curry repeating on him my father was very quiet. When the evening started to cool I went out, just once round the island. Clouds were coming in off the sea, closing the sky like a door and trapping the day’s heat over the island. Thunder rumbled on the other side of the hills, without light. I slept fitfully, lying sweating and tossing