all the neat-as-a-pin, vacuum-and-dusted. “I love the doggen here, they’re so wonderful—but sometimes they’re almost too good at their jobs. I thought it was important that everything be exactly the way it was left for you.”
“I really appreciate that.” Qhuinn looked over, his blue and green eyes luminous. “And I’ve decided to do the hard thing first, after all.”
“What?”
“I, ah, I wanted to open this with you. If that’s okay?”
As Blay’s throat tightened, he swallowed with difficulty. “Absolutely.”
He might as well learn the truth about his complicity at the same time Qhuinn did. But more than that . . . Qhuinn’s stare had dropped back down to the envelope, and it was clear he was terrified—and the fact that he was letting his fear show was so significant. The male didn’t share that shit with just anybody.
“It’s hard to explain why I’ve left this for as long as I have,” Qhuinn murmured as he stroked over the two words on the front. “But this is my last piece of business with Luchas. Whatever he wrote is our final . . . thing.”
Blay nodded, but stayed silent.
“Did I ever tell you about Seinfeld?” Qhuinn asked. “Or The Office?”
“The, ah, the TV shows, you mean?”
“Yeah.” Qhuinn took a deep breath. And then laughed a little. “Not The Sopranos, though. That I couldn’t resist.”
Blay put his parka aside and rubbed his eyes. “I’m so sorry, but I’m not following here?”
Qhuinn turned the letter over so that the flap that had been glued shut was face-up. “I have this weird thing about my favorite TV shows that have ended. I did it for Home Improvement, too, come to think about it. See, I refuse to watch the last season. It’s this weird thing. Like, back when we had DVDs? I always kept the last season in its wrapper.” His thumb went back and forth on the flap. “That way they’re never finished, you know? I can pretend in my mind that they go on forever, that they’re infinite—because the definition of infinity is no ending. And if I don’t watch the ending there hasn’t been one.” There was a pause and Qhuinn looked up. “That’s nuts, right?”
“Not at all.” Blay wanted to stroke the male’s back, but kept his hands clasped in front of him. “It makes all the sense in the world.”
“Now you’re just humoring me.”
“No, I’m really not.”
A ghost of a smile hit Qhuinn’s lips, but was quickly lost. “I feel the same way about whatever’s in here. As long as I don’t read it, my brother isn’t gone. Because that’s how it works with people, you know? The folks I live with, you, the kids, Layla and Xcor, everybody else in the household . . . I mean, I have countless unfinished conversations, and pool games that need to be played to even out scores, and meals that are up and coming, and nights out in the field. It’s all in the middle. We’re all in the middle because we’re all alive. And there’s power in the middle. There’s power and potential and this weird, illusory stability that feels so permanent, even though it isn’t because any one of us can die at any time. Yet because death happens so rarely, we get used to the middle. We take the middle for granted. We only see how beautiful, how magical . . . how tenuous it is . . . when the end comes.”
Qhuinn tapped the envelope in his palm. “When the end comes, the fog of habit lifts, and only then do we see how rare and special the landscape of the in-between is.”
After a moment of silence, the male laughed awkwardly. “I’m babbling, aren’t I.”
Blay shook his head. In a rough voice, he said, “No, you’re really not.”
They both took a deep breath. Maybe it was for the same reason, maybe for different reasons, but that was the nice thing about being with someone you loved. Often, you came to the same corner, even if it was from opposite directions.
“So . . .” Qhuinn tapped the envelope again. “What do you say we open this . . . together.”
As that mismatched stare lifted to Blay’s, he did what he had been wanting to do. He put his hand on his mate’s back and made a slow circle—that he hoped was as reassuring as he intended it to be.
Some seminal moments were anticipated: Births, matings . . . deaths, too. As well as anniversaries and festivals, graduations and fresh starts.