that I could stand beside him. I could see clearly enough that his knuckles were white from clenching the railing. Feeling courageous, I slowly ventured my hand on top of his. Using every caution imaginable in case he had a fit, or perhaps worse, in case he didn’t want me to touch him, I was very careful not to touch any other part. I felt his grip on the railing relax almost instantly when my fingers slid over his. The fire-hot feel of his skin made my pulse increase and made me dizzy.
After awhile, our forearms met as well, moving just enough so that they might be touching, too. I felt the anxiety in me go slack and a new sort of calm take over my body. Maybe he was activating some kind of pressure point…but even I knew I was stretching for explanations on that one. Other things were getting through the filter now, and I liked the way it made me feel.
“Did anybody bother you?” he asked eventually
I considered the question carefully before answering. “Polo’s whistling got to me after awhile.”
At last he smiled. “That ain’t what I meant.”
“I know,” I confessed. “No, no one bothered me. It was like I was invisible.”
He nodded, pleased with my response. The remainder of his tension evaporated into a sigh.
“Polo said you um—paid off some people to leave me alone?”
“He wasn’t supposed to do that.” He shook his head.
I gnawed my lip. I wasn’t sure if I should be grateful or appalled. “So it’s true?”
Charlie stared out into the nothing of the ocean, but I knew the answer.
I tried to laugh. “And here I thought I was blending in so well.”
He looked back at me and grinned until my heart flipped. “Not with those legs.”
I pulled my hand away and tried to seem indifferent, but I’m still certain he saw my blush.
Mistaking my awkwardness for displeasure, I could feel him tense up beside me. I looked back and saw him shuffling his feet again. He had taken a step away from me and was now staring with a certain intensity at his boots.
I hesitated to touch him again lest it cause him further distress, but the urge for this simple affection and the feel of his skin unhinged me. I leaned my head against his shoulder and closed my eyes. Instantly his body became rigid, though I could feel his neck craning down to look on me. I felt like a fool—a complete imbecile. I should have just been grateful I was alive. Bothering him with my petty attempts might only irritate him further.
But just as the thought came through, he began tousling my hair. To my complete amazement he even leaned forward and buried his face in the remains of my ponytail, slowly removing the hair-tie and letting loose my hair. I curled my toes and inhaled deeply as I reminded myself of my name, street address, place of birth…
He took the tie and placed it around my wrist for safekeeping. I thought he would have surely felt the pulse there, threatening to explode at any second. What was scary wasn’t the physical reaction of my rapidly inflating and deflating lungs, the heartbeat in my ears, or even the pleasant dizziness that his closeness gave me. It was the awareness that at this very moment I would have done anything for this man—ignored all logic and common sense, and moral decency if he had asked me to. I wasn’t aware people were capable of feeling that way.
“It’s going to be okay, you know.” I don’t know who I said that for.
He sighed into my hair. I felt him smile there. “That’s real easy for somebody like you to say.”
I only pulled away enough so that he could see my face. I didn’t quite know what he meant by that, but I had a general idea and I didn’t like it. “No, it isn’t.”
His confusion was transparent through his furrowed brow. “I may not understand the stress of the criminal life or anything, but I worry about my brother every day, and I know what it’s like to watch someone you love get eaten away by disease.”
“I—”
I sighed and leaned back into his shoulder. I hadn’t meant to preach. “Just because life sucks sometimes doesn’t mean you have to be so angry all the time. Life isn’t easy for anyone, Charlie. You just have to look at things logically, that’s all. Stay sensible.”