I won’t hurt anyone else, like I hurt Dad . . . and poor Caitlin too with the hogweed.
But most of all, poor Grace.
It’s just better I go now, even though I know how much pain it’ll cause. The pain of losing me isn’t as bad as the pain I know I can cause by sticking around, trust me. I’m just protecting you by doing this.
That’s why I stabbed Dad, to protect Grace. I thought he was going to hurt her, just like he hurt Joel. I always think about how Joel must have felt in his last moments, and all I want to do is wrap him up in my arms to stop him feeling so cold.
Maybe he’s here with me now, at Grandma Quail’s bench.
Is this how you felt after Joel died? Like every route you considered taking was blocked, so there was only one sure way, the end of a rope?
I wish I had told you everything from the start, we all do. But when you leave it for so long, the words get stuck. Grace said that. She’s so clever, isn’t she? She said it’s like when you leave a chimney for too long and it gets all stuck with soot.
The truth got stuck. And now I’m stuck. I want to help Grace. I want to march down to the police and say it was me who stabbed Dad, not her. But I’m so scared. I’m scared to see the disappointment on your face, on Nan and Grandad’s faces too. I’m scared of what might happen to me in St Fiacre’s.
It’s easier if I just go.
So . . . that’s it. I’m done. I know you’ll be able to handle this, Mum, despite what Grandad keeps telling us. You have to, for Lewis and Grace.
I love you. Lils. x
Chapter Fifty-Seven
Friday 3rd May, 2019
1 p.m.
Melissa sunk on to the bench, putting her head in her hands, Lilly’s letter by her side.
It was Lilly who stabbed Patrick . . . and she had done it to stop him from hurting Grace . . .
Just like he hurt Joel.
Melissa looked up at the sky, letting out a scream. Birds flocked away, wings flapping. She leaned her head back, tears streaming down her face.
What did Lilly mean about Joel?
And why had Patrick said it was Grace? Why had Lewis backed that up? Why didn’t Grace say something?
What was it Ryan had said about them: One for all and all for one. A conspiracy of silence.
And as she thought of it, it made sense: if Patrick thought Grace wasn’t his, then that meant she was nothing to him. He could use her to protect a real Byatt, his perfect daughter, Lilly.
Her phone buzzed and she looked down at it to see a message from Bill.
Patrick is asking after you. :-) See you soon? Bill
‘Oh, I’ll be there,’ Melissa said to herself as she quickened her step. ‘But first I have someone else to visit.’
When she got back to her street, instead of going to her car to drive to the hospital, she continued walking down her road and on to Old Pine Road, passing Bill and Rosemary’s house until she was standing in front of Debbie Lampard’s house. She took a deep breath and walked up the path, knocking on the front door.
Debbie answered in her dressing gown, yawning. Her blue eyes widened when she saw Melissa. ‘Oh, Melissa! You must excuse me, I’ve just woken, had a late shift last night.’ She examined her face. ‘Everything okay? How’s Patrick? And Lilly too? I heard she was taken ill?’
‘They’re fine. Can I come in?’
‘Of course,’ Debbie said, opening the door wide, worry registering on her face. ‘Do you want a tea, I was just making myself one.’
‘No, I’m fine, thanks.’
Melissa walked down the hallway. Debbie’s house was one of the smaller ones on Old Pine Road but it had a lovely view right through the forest from the back.
Melissa sat across from Debbie on one of her comfy pink sofas.
‘Can I just ask you something?’ Melissa asked.
‘Fire away.’
‘You fell out with Bill and Rosemary after Joel’s death, didn’t you? Why was that?’
Debbie’s face went very pale. She drew one of her cushions on to her lap and hugged it close. ‘Oh, you know, over something trivial. I can’t even remember.’
‘It can’t be trivial, Debbie,’ Melissa said gently. ‘You used to be so close. Trivial doesn’t put a stop to friendships.’