A Walk Along the Beach by Debbie Macomber Page 0,102
next day I checked my phone, looking for another text. I was furious with myself for caring. I didn’t want him in my life. If I gave in, he would only disappoint and hurt me again. I didn’t want to love him, didn’t want to care. Unfortunately, the message didn’t make it to my heart.
The Monday following Thanksgiving, true to his word, Sean showed up as usual at Bean There.
“I thought about you the entire time I was away,” he said, after he’d placed his order. “I know how hard it must have been for all of you without Harper.”
“It was…hard.” The empty space at the table felt like an open wound. We’d all tried to ignore the fact that Harper wasn’t with us. In retrospect, I believe if we had acknowledged it, and talked about her, it might have helped. Instead we were all more concerned about not heaping sadness on a day meant to be celebrated.
“I wish I could have been with you.”
I wished he could have been, too, but I wouldn’t say it.
“I thought I should tell you I’m going to be away for a few days.”
I stiffened; this was the reminder I needed. “Not my concern,” I said, hardening my heart against him.
“Perhaps not. The only reason I mentioned it is so you won’t think I’m giving up on us.”
“It would be better if you did.”
“Not happening, Willa. I love you; I’ll wait for however long this takes. I hurt you, and I’ll regret that until my dying day. When you’re ready to forgive me, I’ll be here.”
“I already forgave you, Sean. I just don’t think it’s a good idea for me to become involved with you.”
“You’re already involved.”
“Not any longer,” I insisted.
His shoulders sank as he turned away. Part of me wanted to call him back, but I knew it was better to let him go.
For the rest of the day I berated myself over my parting words. I hadn’t meant to sound heartless. He was trying so hard to make up to me and I rejected him at every turn. For my own peace of mind, I needed to keep him at arm’s length. What I didn’t expect was how hard it would be.
* * *
—
For the rest of the week, I was busy preparing for Lucas and Chantelle’s wedding reception. From the first time Lucas had introduced us to Chantelle, I’d known she was the right woman for my brother. I’d loved her from the beginning, but never more than when she chose to have their wedding in the hospital so Harper could be part of it.
As promised, I baked the wedding cakes. Two flavors. One Funfetti and one lemon, and I poured all my love into the mix. This was the one thing I could do for them to show how much I loved them and how grateful I was to have them both in my life, now more than ever.
Naturally, Sean was away on another assignment at the time of the reception. That I should even think about him angered me. It was a reminder of what our future would be if I was to welcome him back into my life. There would always be another assignment, another reason to leave. Heaven only knew where he was this time or what risk he would be taking. He didn’t tell me, which said everything I needed to know. It was another dangerous location. Despite his claims of undying love, his camera meant far more to him than I ever would. I was smart to end it when I had.
For Lucas and Chantelle’s wedding reception, the hotel ballroom was beautifully decorated with bright red poinsettias and evergreen swags. Small bunches of holly adorned the tables. Chantelle, along with family and friends, had put it all together.
My only participation was to bake the cakes and join the others in the wedding party. I was thankful Chantelle didn’t ask me to wear the original bridesmaid dress. That would have brought up too many unwelcome memories, another reminder of Harper’s absence.
I arrived well before the time of the event with the cakes. Each had four tiers and looked beautiful, if I did say so myself. I’d worked long and hard on them. Dad helped me cart them into the ballroom.
Chantelle asked me to sit at the head table, but I begged off, explaining that I didn’t want Dad to sit alone. There weren’t many family members on our side who were able to