Waiting For It - Allyson Lindt Page 0,39

said.

I was too. Or I would be, if this one argument hadn’t had so much fallout. “Too bad this was over before it started.” I didn’t know how I kept my voice from shaking, because the statement threatened to rip me apart. I couldn’t talk to them anymore. I turned away.

“Anne.” Luke’s tone made me pause. “Do you ever wonder if you’re doing the right thing?”

A shiver ran through me, and I resisted the urge to hug myself as doubt poured through me.

“This isn’t me being passive aggressive or telling you you’re wrong. You’re not.” Luke was kind. “I saw how you reacted to Mike. I felt your doubt, wondering if you were wrong. I’ve been there. I wouldn’t be begging for your forgiveness if I didn’t realize I’d fucked up. But I’m asking if you’ve got that voice in your head that belongs to someone else. The one that makes you question everything.”

He was trying to manipulate me. To trap me into saying something I didn’t want to. “Doesn’t everyone?”

“No. But a lot of people do.” There was an ache in Luke’s voice that I rarely heard and never for more than a breath. “I do.”

Did I dare ask? “How?”

“My first few weeks of college, I struggled to integrate. Mostly because I’d just come out of Afghanistan and was adjusting to things like sleeping in beds. Then I met the RA in my dorm. Gorgeous man. Sweet. Sure, we fought sometimes, but that was always my fault. He said so.”

Luke stared past me, as if he was lost in a memory. “He was caught for dealing Adderall and blackmailing several of the people in the dorm. When he went before the disciplinary board, he convinced them it was my idea. He got us both kicked out of school.”

I knew Luke didn’t graduate. A lot of people at the company hadn’t, because Scott valued skill in his developers more than a degree. I’d never imagined it hadn’t been Luke’s choice. I didn’t know what to say.

Luke let out a shaky breath. “He apologized. Told me he was worried about his career. I understood, right? Besides, if I’d been more attentive to him, it never would have happened.”

I knew this story. Not the details, but the ex-boyfriend’s accusation. “But it wasn’t your fault.” I felt stupid, saying that. Luke had obviously figured that out.

He shrugged. “I’m lucky that I’m smart. It was enough to get me an internship at Rinslet, even without the degree. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Scott.”

That wasn’t fair to Luke. “You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t intelligent and talented.”

“That too.” Luke grinned. “It’s taken a lot of time and a bit of therapy to understand it wasn’t me; it was him who was the problem. I still hear his voice, though.”

“I know, Sadie knows. We all saw that Shawn did the same to you.” Chase finally spoke. He turned from me to Luke. “And I’m sorry you went through that. I only know what it looks like from the outside, and that’s hard enough. I can’t imagine being in it.”

My friends had tried to tell me then, and I’d pushed them away. Even if this wasn’t the same situation, I didn’t want to shove my friends out of my life again. “It’s different.”

“Because you recognize that it happened? Because you got out? Because he was right, and you’re still wrong? Why?” Luke asked.

I didn’t know how to answer his questions. I wasn’t sure what was up or down anymore.

Luke frowned. “This bet? I was wrong to make it. Chase was wrong. You’re not wrong for feeling anything you feel about it.”

I didn’t know how to sift through my thoughts anymore. They were a jumble of chaos. “That’s sweet of you to say, but... you’re wrong.” I cut off my laugh at the twisted irony of my statement. “Good night.”

Chapter Twenty

“Annie.” Chase’s tone stopped me in my tracks. “Don’t spend another night on the couch. Take one of the beds. Better yet, stay and talk to us. If I have to promise I’ll never tell you again how gorgeous you are, to get you to talk to me, I will.”

I turned, scrunching my nose in distaste. “I’m not good with that.”

“Which part of it?” Sincerity radiated from his expression. “How about, I can still shower you with compliments, and you can go back to pretending you think it’s harmless?”

How did I ever do that? “None of what’s happened this week gets undone. I want