The Vow - Debbie Howells Page 0,28

He was always putting you down,’ she says softly. ‘Sometimes …’ A cloud crosses her face as she breaks off. ‘Never mind.’

‘What were you going to say?’ I frown at her.

Her eyes are serious as she looks at me. ‘I was going to say, I didn’t trust him.’

‘I had no idea.’ Yet again, her words shock me. How hadn’t I known how Jess felt? I’d always trusted him – until I had every reason not to. ‘I honestly can’t believe you felt like that. You should have told me.’

‘I couldn’t. I thought you wanted to be with him.’ She shakes her head. ‘But it was the way he used to look at me. Even at the beginning, when he was saying all the right things to you, when it was just him and me, he made it quite clear he wasn’t interested in me. I suppose, being at uni and meeting different people … I don’t know. It makes you look at things differently.’

‘Everyone’s different. Everyone’s relationships are different.’ I protest, uncomfortable, trying not to show the effect her words are having on me. ‘The only people who really know what a relationship’s like are those who’re involved in it.’ Noticing Jess staring at me, I break off.

‘I don’t know how you’re so calm.’

She’s right. I’m unnaturally calm, with a chemically induced numbness. ‘I’m taking something. Just short term – it helps.’ I hesitate. ‘I’ve been seeing Sonia again, too.’

‘Your therapist from before? That’s really good, Mum.’ Jess looks relieved.

‘Jess.’ I’m struggling for the right words, but really, it’s simple. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘Why should you be sorry?’ Jess looks outraged.

‘I’m sorry you’ve been dragged into this. That I didn’t know how you felt about Matt. That you’re worrying about me instead of getting on with your own life back at uni.’ For a moment, the veil the drugs have drawn threatens to lift. I force myself to take a deep, shaky breath. ‘Maybe it was my fault. Maybe if I’d done something differently, this wouldn’t have happened. I’m not saying what Matt’s done is excusable, but I can’t help wondering.’

Her eyes flash. ‘You are joking, right? I honestly can’t believe you said that. Matt’s the one who should be sorry,’ she says angrily. ‘He shouldn’t have cheated on you.’ A frown crosses her face. ‘Are the police sure it isn’t this other woman who’s lying?’

‘The same thing’s occurred to me.’ I shrug. ‘But for whatever reason, they seem to believe her. They say they have proof – CCTV, photos. The other thing is …’ I pause. ‘Even if she was lying, you have to ask why.’

‘She could be a psychopath. People think it’s just men who get obsessed, but it isn’t always. I wasn’t going to tell you, Mum, but there’s this girl in my hall who’s just been arrested. She’s been stalking her boyfriend, doing sick things like sending him dead birds and spreading all these lies about him. She seemed so nice. Everyone thought she was lovely. None of us had any idea.’

‘God.’ The thought of Jess being exposed to someone like that shocks me. ‘There was something else that happened. Actually, two things.’ After telling her about the old woman in Brighton, I tell her about the bouquet of flowers.

Jess is clearly horrified. ‘That’s disgusting, Mum. You should have told me. It must have freaked you out. What kind of person dreams up something like that? Could there be …’ She breaks off, fear in her eyes. ‘You don’t think there’s anyone who wants to hurt you, do you?’

Slowly I shake my head. ‘The police asked me that, too. But honestly, I can’t think of anyone.’

While I’m grateful for Jess’s company, it’s a Christmas I could do without, but I make an effort for her. We decorate a tree, buy nice food, while Jess tells me about a boy she’s met.

‘His name’s Rik – without a c. He’s really cool. He’s studying sports journalism – and he surfs, Mum. He’s going to teach me.’

I want to tell her to be careful. Not about surfing, but about Rik. When she barely knows him, how can she trust him?

She reads my mind. ‘He’s OK, Mum. I think you’d like him. He’s nice to me. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be with him.’

‘I’m really pleased for you, Jess.’ I force myself to sound enthusiastic, while the truth is I want to hold her close, tell her to keep her wits about her. To not make the same mistakes as I did. ‘Have