. bare. Stripped of anything that could exhibit individuality. She probably hated that.
Good . . .
After a moment the shock in her eyes was replaced by something much more complex. Sadness, maybe? A hint of longing and . . . something else? Something messy.
She cleared her throat and slowly stood up. “I’d given up hope that you were going to come.”
“Well, I’m here now.” I crossed my arms. “So get on with it. Say what you have to say so I can get on with my life and forget you ever existed.”
“I deserved that.” She nodded, moving to the front of the door.
“You think?”
We were close enough to shake hands, the translucent film of ability-resistant material the only thing separating us. The only sign it was there at all was the slight iridescent quality it had and the fact that Zara’s voice sounded just a little muffled.
“How have you been, Eve? How are your guys? Dot and Charlie? I heard they got him out.” She looked as if she genuinely cared—as if she genuinely wanted to know how I was.
But I knew how well she could fake it. I’d seen it firsthand—right up until she slammed that van door shut.
“As if you give a shit,” I spat.
“I deserved that too, I suppose.” She sighed. “But I do. Everything was . . .” She made a circular gesture with her head. “. . . twisted. I fucked up. Big time. Like, epically. But I do really care, Eve. I’m so sor—”
“Save it!” I rolled my eyes. “You don’t honestly expect me to believe that you spent months plotting against me, pretending to care, yet now, all of a sudden it’s real? How fucking stupid do you think I am?”
“I wasn’t pretending to care, even then. I love you, Eve, and I was incredibly conflicted about what I was doing, unsure about it until the last minute, but . . .”
I just arched a brow, silently showing her my skepticism.
“I’ve thought about this for so long—what I would say to you, how I would explain and beg for your forgiveness—but it’s all coming out wrong.”
“Maybe it’s coming out wrong because you’re wrong. There’s got to be something seriously fucked up about you that you could do that to someone you called a friend. That you could go and join the very people responsible for Beth’s death. Have you ever truly cared about anyone in your life?”
I was being cruel, but I needed to say all the things I’d been refusing to acknowledge for months. I didn’t think I’d ever see her again; I had to let it all out.
At the mention of Beth’s name, anger flared in her eyes and her fists balled up. For the first time, I saw a glimpse of the Zara I knew—the one I’d called my friend.
My heart clenched.
The biggest thing I’d been avoiding was how much I fucking missed her. It hurt so much.
I expected her to throw a cutting remark in my face, but the anger crumpled just as fast as it had come. She hung her head as tears streamed down her face.
Next to me, Dana shuffled and crossed her arms loosely. She wasn’t particularly comfortable with emotions, and Zara and I were flinging them around with abandon.
Zara sniffed and swiped at her tears. “You’re right.” Her voice was strained, but she raised her red-rimmed eyes to mine. “Beth would’ve hated what I did. What I became. She probably would’ve stopped being my friend a long time ago.”
“No, she wouldn’t have.” I sighed. “Beth was selfless and kind. She would’ve stuck by you. She would’ve stuck by us both and made us make up. Maybe none of this would’ve even happened if she was still around.”
“I miss her so much.” Zara sobbed.
“Me too,” I croaked. I hated myself for it—I didn’t want to show her any weakness.
“She always pushed me to be a better person, you know? Even when we were kids. She would’ve forgiven Rick right away, probably made really good friends with him too.”
I chuckled through my tears. She was right. Making the man who’d killed her a friend was exactly the kind of thing she would’ve done. I didn’t get to know him very well before he died, but I had a feeling Rick would’ve embraced the friendship—would’ve embraced any opportunity for redemption.
I guess, in a way, he did redeem himself. He’d tried to warn me to be careful, and in the end, he stood up to his parents and sacrificed