Vivid Avowed (Evelyn Maynard Trilogy #3) - Kaydence Snow Page 0,118

always craved family, and when we found each other, he was immediately all in. I represented what he’d lost and all that he could have in the future. I was family, and he was devoted heart and soul.

Josh observed everything quietly from behind his clean-cut look and his books. It was his way of feeling in control in a chaotic world that had taken his parents away. But I saw the real him. From the start, I saw who he truly was, and I loved him for it. We showed each other that letting go of control could be freeing.

No one exercised greater control than Tyler. He’d resisted the pull from the first moment, before he even knew what it was. He’d continued resisting after he knew everything, even the things I didn’t, even when it required him to sacrifice his own wants and needs. Because that was what was best for me, best for all of us. We’d needed time, and Tyler had made sure we’d had it.

Alec had been there from the start. And I don’t mean that day in the hospital after the crash; I mean the very start, when we were all kids and had no idea of the hurdles we’d have to jump in order to be together. He was the one who’d made this possible. Because he never gave up on me, even when he knew it would make him more the monster he believed himself to be. Even when he resented it, he kept looking for me. He yearned for me and what I represented.

And he yearns still.

He was engaged in a conversation with Mr. Takata’s cousin, but as though he felt my gaze on him, he looked up and met my eyes.

He’d been an asshole—a jerk of epic proportions. We’d both made mistakes, and he’d hurt me more than I thought possible. But he’d also changed. He’d worked his ass off to let me in, to embrace our Bond. He’d told me he loved me, and he’d been showing it every day since. Even as I continued to push him away. Even as I told the others I loved them.

Even as I continued to hurt him.

“You all must be exhausted.” Mr. Takata’s cousin started clearing the table. “Let me show you where you will sleep.”

Youko and her family were staying with her husband’s family, giving up their entire home so my Bond, Mr. Takata, and his security guys could have somewhere to sleep. We were set up in the biggest room in the back, on futon mattresses. A paper screen provided the only privacy.

All five of us were to sleep in the same room together. We’d never done that before—not intentionally. I’d shared a bed with more than one of them on numerous occasions, and there had been those few times, usually after someone tried to kill one of us, that we’d all ended up in the same room. Some of them usually wound up squished on a couch or making do with a pillow on the floor.

But this was the first time we were essentially all sleeping in the same bed.

We were strangely quiet as we got ready for sleep, taking turns in the bathroom, undressing, getting under the covers. Maybe it was because we were so tired, or because the walls were literally paper thin and we could hear Mr. Takata snoring lightly in the main living area.

I wasn’t sure where the silence was coming from, but it didn’t feel uncomfortable, and I couldn’t stop smiling.

Naturally, I ended up in the middle, with Tyler on one side and Josh on the other. Ethan was behind Josh; Alec on the other side of Tyler. The others fell asleep quickly, but I lay on my back, feeling safe and right between them but unable to sleep despite how tired I was.

Yes, the new information was running through my mind, making a million new questions pop up. But mostly, I couldn’t stop thinking about Alec.

He was just on the other side of Tyler, but he felt so far away. That was my fault.

I felt it, so why couldn’t I say it? It had come so easily with the others, so why was it so damn hard with him to wrap my mouth around those words?

Careful not to wake the others, I lifted myself onto my elbows. I just wanted a glimpse of his face, the strong jaw, the scar through the eyebrow, the tiny kink in his nose.

But when I looked over, his