will. But she’d never known someone who had so much darkness inside of him. Centuries worth of it. This felt like a battle that had so much at stake, but it was one she wasn’t sure she could fight. Only Junu could. And it looked like he was giving up.
“You don’t have to tell me what happened,” Somin began. “But if I can help—”
Junu let out a venomous laugh, a biting sound that made Somin’s stomach tighten.
“Nothing can help me. I’ve been cursed for centuries. I was a fool to think it could be any different now.” He stepped into the rubble that covered the studio floor, his slippers crunching on broken glass and ceramic. “What use do I have with things like this? What use are any of these to me?” he asked, picking up a half-completed bust and throwing it against the far wall. The pieces rained onto a tarp, pulling it down to reveal the faded portraits beneath.
Junu stared at the painted faces that looked back with dark eyes.
He picked up the painting of the woman looking lovingly out from her portrait. The paper was so delicate. Like it might just dissolve from being held. He stared at it intently. Like he was lost in the portrait. Like it dragged him to some long-forgotten memory.
Somin started to protest. She didn’t know who this person was, but she felt important. But instead of shredding the painting, Junu slowly sank to the ground, gripping the paper so tightly it wrinkled in his hands.
Somin didn’t know what to say to soothe his pain. So she didn’t speak. She just knelt beside him and wrapped her arms around him, resting his head against her shoulder. She felt his hesitation like a string pulled taut. She waited to see if he’d snap or let loose. And with a sigh he relaxed. The portrait fell to his lap as his arms came around her waist and he let out a breath. One that made his whole body shudder. And then he continued to shake with silent sobs. She tightened her hold on him, trying to absorb the shock of his pain. Trying to take on some of it so it wouldn’t break him.
45
SOMIN LED JUNU to his room. She’d expected him to resist, but it seemed he was too exhausted to protest. She had no idea where he’d been all night, but she was sure he hadn’t slept.
She started to ask Junu if he wanted to change, when he just fell face-first onto his bed.
“At least get under the comforter,” Somin said, trying to pull it free from under him. But instead he took hold of her wrist and tugged her down so she fell beside him.
“I don’t need the blanket,” he murmured, running his hand over her cheek. It made her skin tingle everywhere he touched.
“You don’t know what you need right now.”
Junu lifted a brow. “And you do?”
“I know better than you do right now.”
He chuckled and pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her. She breathed him in, a musky scent she couldn’t quite place. But it reminded her of his library, parchment and wood. It soothed her, and she let her shoulders relax. She hadn’t even realized how tense they were. Didn’t know she’d needed this, too. To be held, to feel safe.
“Jin.” He said the word into her hair.
“What?” Somin asked.
Junu leaned back so he could look at her. “My family name is Jin.”
“Why are you telling me this?” she asked, searching his inscrutable face.
“Because you asked,” Junu said. “I didn’t think I deserved the name. That’s why I don’t use it.”
“Why would you say such a thing?” Somin asked.
“Because it’s true. It was true before I ever died and became this.” He nodded down toward himself. “My abeoji used to tell me that all the time.”
“Then he was a cruel man,” Somin said.
Junu laughed. “That’s a wild understatement.”
“Why are you telling me this now?”
“Because I want you to know me. All of me. You once asked why I was trying to make Changwanie like me.”
“Yeah,” Somin said, unsure of the track the conversation had taken.
“Because he is me. Who I used to be.”
Somin was silent a moment too long.
“You don’t believe me,” Junu muttered.
She shook her head. “No, I do. I’m just trying to figure out how that would look.”
“My human form was completely different from the one I’m in now. Short, stick thin. Couldn’t build muscle for the life of me. And I had pretty bad