“So what?” Junu asked. “You’re his friend, aren’t you?”
“He won’t like it if he knows I talked to you about him behind his back.”
“Am I really so bad that Jihoon doesn’t want you talking about him to me?” Junu asked.
“It’s not just you,” Somin said. Which meant it was still partially him, and that made Junu’s hackles rise. “Recently, Jihoon has felt like he’s had no control over things.”
“Well, can you blame the guy?” Junu asked. Even he thought that Ahn Jihoon had gone through an avalanche of unfortunate events in the few months Junu had known him. Almost dying. Miyoung secretly putting her own fox bead into him to save his life. Having that same fox bead almost kill him. Losing his halmeoni. And now losing his childhood home. If Junu were one who cared about such things, he’d feel bad for the guy.
“So, if he thought you were asking me this favor behind his back, then he’d feel like you were taking some kind of control away from him? That’s bull,” Junu said. “He’d care if you were hurting because of him.”
“I’m not hurting. I’m just a little worried, but I can get over it on my own.”
“You do this all the time for him, don’t you?” Junu mused. “You bury your own feelings and prioritize him over yourself. That’s not healthy. You need to just be honest with people sometimes. It makes things much easier.”
“You mean how you’re so honest?” Somin asked, raising a brow.
“What was it?” Junu asked, not letting her derail him. “What happened to make you put Jihoon before yourself all the time?”
“What makes you think something happened?”
“I can read people well.”
“It’s none of your business,” Somin said.
Junu also knew when he wasn’t going to get far with a person. And Somin was like a vault locked tight. “Fine, you don’t have to tell me,” he said. “But you know exactly why you give up so much of yourself for him, and maybe it’s time for you to consider whether that’s good for either of you.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Somin lowered her head, but not before Junu saw the glint of tears in her eyes.
“I don’t like seeing you unhappy,” Junu admitted. “Which you might find hard to believe. But at least believe that I’m an observant person. I see that you hide your own unhappiness so you can focus on Jihoon, and it’s rotting your soul,” Junu said, reaching forward to catch one of her tears with his finger. Somin pushed his hand away and rubbed at her face with her sleeve. It should have looked like a petulant motion, but it just made Junu want to hold her. Why did she bring out this protective feeling in him? He knew she didn’t need his protection. But if he could protect her, he knew it would make him feel good, like he was somehow proving himself? But to whom?
“You’re so dramatic,” Somin said. “‘Rotting your soul’! We’re not in an Edgar Allan Poe poem.”
“Ah, what a nice reference,” Junu said. “You’re paying attention in class.”
“I know what you’re doing,” Somin said. “You’re trying to distract me from my worries by being annoying.”
“Is it working?” Junu asked with a wry grin.
She cracked a smile, and he knew it was.
18
“YOU WANT COFFEE?” Junu asked, and it was such a sudden shift in the conversation that Somin blinked in confusion.
“Come on, I’ll make you a latte.” Junu led the way to his kitchen, and Somin had no choice but to follow him. Her eyes slid to the door to the library before she rushed after him.
“I didn’t come here to socialize,” Somin said.
“Of course you didn’t,” Junu said, starting up the espresso machine. He held out the first mug, and when she reached for it, he held on a moment. “What do you wish to accomplish in this life?” he asked.
“What do you mean?” Somin frowned.
Junu shrugged and finally let go of the mug. “It’s something someone asked me once. I think it means what’s your most secret, selfish desire.”
“I want to leave,” Somin said. It surprised her to hear those words coming out of her own lips. She never thought she’d say them aloud. Like speaking about it would feed it. And she’d spent so long waiting for the desire to die from malnutrition.
“Where would you go?” Junu asked as he picked up the other mug and took a sip.
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “Just somewhere that wasn’t here. Somewhere