Charged into something to protect Jihoon. She learned that she’d been foolish to keep everything to herself the way Junu had now done. She hoped that when they found Junu, he’d listen to reason.
And if he didn’t listen, they’d find another way, because Miyoung wasn’t going to lose another person she cared about.
Don’t risk yourself for his mistakes. Yena’s voice was a whisper in her ear, but she ignored it.
She knew what she had to do. Knowing what Junu was willing to sacrifice, it made her see things clearly. She’d been convinced that losing Yena meant that she’d lost pieces of herself, too, watched them break free and float away. But she realized now that what had been breaking free was the facade she used to hide herself away from the world.
Jihoon had broken through it. So had Somin and even Junu.
She welcomed it at first. Let herself believe that she could live a more fulfilling life as a mortal.
Then her mother died.
And she felt guilty for hoping for a different life. Her mother had worked so hard to provide Miyoung with security and safety. Miyoung tried to free herself of that life, and Yena died for it. When all her mother wanted was to protect Miyoung. So she’d allowed herself to be buried in guilt. It was easier than facing the pain of losing her mother. She decided that what she needed to do was hold on to everything of Yena. That’s the only way she could survive. That’s the only way she could live. But the harder she tried to hold on to her old life, the more it dragged her down.
So she would let go. She had to. Even if it tore out a piece of her, at least she’d still be alive in the end. And she’d figure out a way to survive the pain. Survival was what she was best at.
Her footing slipped on loose rubble and she almost face-planted into a sapling. She caught herself just in time. Her weakened state was going to be a problem if things got messy today. She wished, not for the first time, to have all of her old gumiho abilities again.
Taking another step forward, Miyoung suddenly froze. Something raced down her spine. A strange sensation that felt similar to when the moon hung in the sky above. A prick of power. Energy.
“What is it?” Somin asked, coming up beside her.
Miyoung held up a hand to quiet Somin. She listened intently, annoyed that her hearing was so muted now. It felt like being underwater sometimes compared to the heightened hearing she’d had before. But she finally picked it up, a strange humming sound.
“We’re close to something.”
“Is it them?” Somin asked.
“I’m not sure,” Miyoung whispered. She turned, trying to catch her bearings, then faced east. “This way. It’s coming from this direction.”
55
MIYOUNG LED THEM to a cave that would have been almost impossible to find behind the thick trees that grew around it. Stone altars were piled up. And Miyoung knelt beside them, searching the ground.
“There are footsteps here,” she said.
“Really?” Somin said. “How can you tell?”
“I just can. I’ve spent a lot of time in the forest. I can track using methods other than my senses. Thank the gods for that now.”
“Was it them?”
“The shoe sizes look right. There were three people, though, not two. One set is smaller, almost shuffling. Someone older?”
“Would it have been the sansin?”
“I’m not sure, but it doesn’t look like there was a fight; they left of their own free will. They followed the smaller steps. They’re going that way,” Miyoung said, standing again and facing a small path.
“We’ll find them,” Somin said, and Miyoung wasn’t sure if she was reassuring Miyoung or herself.
“I can’t help but wonder if I’d been kinder to Junu if he wouldn’t have been driven to this extreme,” Miyoung said. “Maybe if I’d just forgiven him when he asked me to, maybe he would have come to us first . . .”
Somin shook her head. “You can’t blame yourself.”
“I’m not blaming myself,” Miyoung reassured her. “But I still wonder.”
“The last thing Junu said to me was that he loved me,” Somin said. Miyoung’s eyes widened in surprise. “I didn’t say it back,” Somin admitted. “I guess I wonder if he’d have confided in me if I’d been able to say it back.”
“We’ll find him,” Miyoung said, turning down the path. As they followed the trail, she asked, “What’s the plan?”