Vicious Circles - By Leann Andrews Page 0,61

loosen; although, I still felt like I’d lost him. He was lost to me or I was lost to him. I hadn’t quite figured out which.

That night I drank and I smoked. I inhaled and popped random pills. I didn’t pay any attention to what I was doing or how much. It wasn’t until Lynn showed up and found me, bent over a line of cocaine, did I realize what I was doing. I froze when I caught the look on her face out of the corner of my eye. She looked horrified and I knew, I knew, that everything had come down to that one moment in my life.

Chapter 20

Lynn had run away from me. I’d called after her, crying and begging for her to stop, but she didn’t turn around. I’d lost her too.

I staggered back into my house and into the living room. Jill patted me lightly on the back, which was all I was going to get from her. We looked at one another and I finally realized that she was all I had left. She was right after all.

“Just forget about them,” she said with a small smile. “You don’t need her anyway.”

“Yeah.” I started to sit but Jill grabbed my hand and pulled me upstairs to the master bedroom.

“Where are we going?” My words slurred and my feet kept getting caught up in one another.

“It’s time we graduated to something harder, Fallyn. This is a party after all.” She pulled me all the way into the room and sat me down on the bed. “Wait right here. I’ll be right back.”

I waited alone in the dark while she ran off. When she returned she had some random guy in tow behind her. He was cute and he looked like he had money. She whispered something in his ear and he grinned in my direction.

“So,” he said moving to stand in front of me. “You want to try something new?” His right hand slid down the front of my shirt and it felt fucking wrong.

I pushed him away the best I could in my wasted state. Jill crawled onto the bed behind me and moved my hair from my neck where she began to kiss me softly. I let her touch me because I couldn’t find the strength to stop her. The strange guy moved closer to me once again and kneeled. He kissed me rough on the lips. I couldn’t make him stop, so I began to cry.

“He’ll give us some heroin if we fuck him,” Jill said softly in my ear.

“No…what? No I’m not fucking some guy.” My stomach was starting to knot and turn from lack of food and too many toxins.

“Come on.” Jill begged.

“Just let her be, Jill.” The strange guy must have been someone Jill knew because they pushed me aside and had sex right there on the bed in front of me.

I curled myself as tight as I could into a corner of the bathroom where I eventually passed out.

The sounds of drunken passion faded as did my consciousness. As with many other moments in my new life, I woke not knowing how long I’d been out and it took me a minute to get my bearings. I vaguely remembered Jill kneeling in front of me and putting a latex band around my left arm. My voice and strength was nowhere to be found as I watched her draw liquid from a spoon into a needle and hold it up against the light to admire it.

“No…what’s-“

“Shhh…it’s OK. You’ll feel so much better after this. I promise.” She smiled at me and poked the needle into my arm.

I felt the pinch and a burn like I’d never felt before. My body immediately reacted and I was terrified. I didn’t know what she’d used but I knew she’d just shot a drug into my arm. I stood and forced my legs to walk as soon as she backed off. I looked back once and saw her inserting the same needle into her own arm. I was confused and sick.

I reached the top of the stairs and lost the ability to swallow. My house was quiet and empty. I didn’t know what time it was. The walls and furniture began to swirl. I thought about Mason and the way he looked at me the last time we were together in that cheap motel. I tried to concentrate on his green eyes and the way they burned right through to my tortured soul.