A Very Bossy Christmas - Kayley Loring Page 0,6
at it!”
“Only when it was unavoidable. Stop talking about my boss’s butt.”
“But it’s the best one I’ve ever seen IRL.”
“Don’t say IRL. Say in real life when you’re not texting.”
“WTF are you so grumpy and bossy RN?”
“Piper, I’m not the grumpy, bossy one. Declan is. Do you want to grab something to eat first or after we shop a little?” Now I’m just mad at him for being nice to my niece. And for having such a hot butt. What a dick move.
“He’s a hottie with a body. He must do squats all day long.”
“Oh my God—why don’t you watch a Shawn Mendes video on your phone or something to wipe my boss from your memory.”
“Shawn Mendes seems so young to me now. I want to look at grown-man abs. Have you seen Declan with his shirt off? I bet he has abs.”
“Everyone has abs.”
“I want to see Declan’s abs.”
“Stop calling him Declan.”
“But he told me to.”
“We don’t all have to do what he tells us to do. At least I’m paid to do it. And even then, I don’t do everything he tells me to do—because he’s not right about everything.”
“You seem to care an awful lot about him.”
“No I don’t.”
“I would do literally anything he told me to do. I would lick him like a candy cane.”
“Piper.”
“Just sayin’.”
“You have no idea what you’re sayin’. Seriously, you have to stop saying things like that. Have you ever kissed a boy?”
“Yes. In spin the bottle at Shoshana’s b-day party last month. I bumped noses with Drake G, so our lips didn’t really touch, but I still count it as kissing.”
“Piper, you shouldn’t talk about licking boys, and you really shouldn’t talk about licking men.”
“Okay. I definitely think you should lick him, though.”
“You definitely shouldn’t talk about me licking my boss—I would never.” I might think about it, but I would never. In real life, I’d rather lick eggnog off the bottom of my boots than lick Declan Cannavale. And I hate eggnog.
Speak of licking the devil, and the work phone in your pocket vibrates…
DECLAN: COOPER. COME BACK.
“Oh for shit’s sake.”
“Is it Declan?”
“Yes. I haven’t even been gone for two minutes, and already he’s texting me.”
“Lucky. No boys ever text me.”
“Enjoy it while it lasts.”
Chapter Four
DECLAN: What is the name of that terrible woman at your desk?
MADDIE: That’s Holly. The floater. Be nice to her!!!
DECLAN: She’s always smiling at me. It’s creepy.
MADDIE: She’s a really nice person who is good at her job.
DECLAN: When are you coming back?
MADDIE: I literally just left.
DECLAN: That is not an answer.
MADDIE: I thought I made it clear that I’m not coming back to the office tonight.
DECLAN: Unacceptable.
MADDIE: What exactly do you need me to do tonight that can’t be done by Holly?
DECLAN: I need you to sit at that desk and not smile at me like a creep.
MADDIE: Trust me, that is exactly what I’ll be doing tomorrow and for the rest of my unbearable tenure as your assistant. Anything else?
MADDIE: Anything? Else? Speak now or forever hold your peace.
MADDIE: For tonight, anyway. Like I said, I’m not expecting any Christmas miracles.
DECLAN: Everything else, Cooper. Everything else. Good night.
DECLAN: Cooper? You there? One more question.
MADDIE: Always here for you, Declan!
DECLAN: Well now, that’s more like it.
MADDIE: You should totally come meet us for dinner at Panera after we go to Best Buy LOL
DECLAN: Are you drunk right now?
MADDIE: Would you like me to be?
DECLAN: Kind of. What’s the name of the new guy at the mayor’s office? The younger one with the beard? I don’t know how to ask the floater to get him on the phone for me.
MADDIE: Um. Zac?
DECLAN: He looks nothing like Zac Efron.
MADDIE: Jake?
DECLAN: Hilarious. Are you going to list all of the actors with beards? Because I actually have to call him now-ish.
MADDIE: Declan. That was my niece. I was in the dressing room. His name is Tom Linklater.
DECLAN: She’s hired.
MADDIE: OMG I will totally work for you!!! LOL. You don’t even have to pay me lolol.
MADDIE: Sorry, I had to pay for something and she grabbed my phone. Let’s not add child labor law violations to the list of terrible things you’re capable of, Mr. Cannavale. I’m putting my phone away now. Have a good night.
DECLAN: There are exactly zero things on that list, FYI.
DECLAN: You don’t get to have the last word, Cooper.
DECLAN: Cooper.
DECLAN: Fine, I have to call Tom Linklater anyway. Have