transcendent. That September night, we managed four out of five. When we’d finished, our bodies were slick on the tangled sheets, and we were at peace.
It was good to be back in the apartment. Since his nephew had come to live with him, Alex and I hadn’t spent much time there, but tonight we were alone. Declaring that Eli was in need of chill-out time, Dr. Kasperski had decided to keep him in the hospital overnight. As I looked at the lines of worry etched in Alex’s face, I thought the man I loved could use a little chill-out time himself. The events of the past twenty-four hours had taken their toll. Through the open window of the bedroom, I could see the plaster owl a previous tenant had anchored on the rail of the balcony to scare off pigeons. Alex called the bird his sentinel, and we had joked that as long as the bird was there, no intruder could disturb our delight in one another. As I felt the tension returning to Alex’s body, I knew I had to face the fact that even plaster owls had their limits.
I moved closer to him. “Talk to me about it,” I said.
“There’s not much to say. I had a quick visit with Dan Kasperski after he saw Eli this afternoon. Considering Eli’s his patient only until Dr. Rayner gets back to her practice, Kasperski’s giving a lot of thought to the case. He says his first task is to get Eli to see him as an ally who can help him find a way to deal with all the things that are troubling him.”
“That makes sense to me,” I said.
Alex’s dark eyes were serious. “Everything Dan Kasperski says makes sense. The amazing thing is he looks like he’s about seventeen years old. Maybe that’s why Eli’s responding so well to him. This afternoon, when Kasperski came in, I could see the relief on Eli’s face.”
“Maybe you should ask him to take Eli on as a patient. In the next few weeks, Signe Rayner could have her hands full just dealing with her own life.”
“What do you mean?”
“Did you know she’s Justine Blackwell’s daughter?”
“You’re kidding.”
“No. Hilda and I went over to Justine’s house today to pay a condolence call, and Signe Rayner was there. Alex, how does Eli get along with her? She seems so …”
“Forbidding? I know what you mean, but she came highly recommended, and she did get Eli to open up about the guilt he feels about Karen’s death.”
“Guilt? You never said anything about him feeling guilty.”
“It was Eli’s story to tell or not tell. Besides, he seemed to be dealing with it.”
“Why would he feel guilty? Nobody can prevent a car accident, and from what you’ve said, Eli really loved Karen.”
“He did love her, but he also caused her a lot of grief. I never could figure out why. Karen was about the best mother any kid could ask for: very devoted, very involved with the culture. But as great as Karen was, when Eli was about ten the graffiti started, and the running away to the city.”
“Did something happen?”
“No. Eli just got mad at the world. I went through the same thing when I was his age.”
“You straightened out,” I said. “Can’t get much straighter than a cop.”
Alex drew me closer. “I was lucky,” he said. “My mother didn’t die when I was sixteen. By the time my mother died, I’d had time to show her I valued the things she’d taught me.”
“But Eli never had that chance,” I said.
“No,” Alex said, “he didn’t. And it’s eating him up. Has he ever said anything to you about Karen?”
“Never,” I said. “But he did talk to Taylor about her.”
“To Taylor? She’s the last person I’d have thought he’d open up to.”
“There’s a certain logic there, I guess. Taylor lost her mother too, and of course she’s so young, Eli doesn’t have to worry about being a tough guy in front of her. Just this morning, Taylor was telling me that she and Eli had talked about what a great swimmer Karen was.”
In the moonlight, Alex’s face grew soft. “She was a great swimmer. We used to tell her she was part otter. She loved that lake. We had this old canoe. When Karen was four, she went clear across the lake in it. She was so little, she could barely hold the paddle.” His voice broke. “And could she ever run. Some of those hills we’ve got