Vendetta in Death (In Death #49) - J. D. Robb Page 0,27
got a cab, went home. I haven’t seen or spoken to Nigel McEnroy since that night. Since … I went home.”
“What’s the last thing you remember before you walked to the corner? Look at me,” Eve demanded. “The last thing.”
“I … I wasn’t feeling well. Nerves, that’s all. The job was a big upgrade for me, so I was nervous. It was months ago.” She snapped it out like she’d snapped the tube. “Why would I remember every detail?”
“You remember nothing,” Eve corrected, but gentled her tone. “You don’t remember, not clearly, even leaving the restaurant. You don’t remember getting in the limo McEnroy had waiting.”
“I didn’t.” But a tremor shivered into her voice. “It would be unprofessional. I took a cab home.”
“After.” Even more gently now. “Because he told you to. Jessica, you were one of many.”
I know what it’s like, Eve thought, to block it out, all of it out to survive. I know what it’s like when it floods back, when the walls break down, and it all lands in your chest like an avalanche.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Eve leaned to Peabody, murmured in her ear, “Get Mira if she’s available, or whoever she recommends as a rape counselor.”
Peabody rose, moved quickly.
“He drugged you.” Eve said it fast, fast was best. “You did nothing unprofessional, nothing wrong. You did nothing because he drugged you, just as he did other women.”
“You’re trying to say he … he gave me a roofie, raped me? No, no, no, I’d remember!” Jessica insisted with the fierceness of desperation. “I would remember. I’d have sued his ass off. I’d have gone to the police. I—”
Eve got up, walked around the table to sit next to her. “He drugged you, so none of it’s clear, and what bits and pieces worked through, you blocked out.”
“You’re saying he recommended me for my position because he raped me?”
“No, no I’m not. You were going to get the position, on your qualifications. One had nothing to do with the other. The bits and pieces, you told yourself they were anxiety, or weird dreams.”
“There’s a room, and the birds—they fly out of the chairs, fly around the room screaming. Someone’s inside me, and I can’t stop it. I don’t want to stop it, but I’m screaming, too.”
She gripped Eve’s hand. “When I heard he was dead, when I heard the report this morning, I … I felt, just for a second, I felt satisfaction. It was horrible. But I don’t remember. You can’t be sure.”
Eve thought about the vid. Not now, she decided. “We’ve talked to other women. He did this to other women. He had a pattern, Jessica. Did you talk to anyone about that night? How you didn’t feel well, how you took a cab home?”
“No, not even Chad. I was ashamed because I thought I must’ve gotten ill at dinner, maybe behaved oddly. I couldn’t remember, and I thought it must’ve been something I ate, or nerves. I told Chad it went great, but I didn’t want to talk about it and jinx it. I lied, the first lie I told him.”
She squeezed her eyes shut, tightly shut.
“I told him others after. We were going to move in together. We were looking for a bigger place so we could move in together. But after that night I couldn’t stand for him to touch me. I didn’t want to hear his voice, or smell his smell. I couldn’t stand being touched so I pushed him away. We lost it, what we had.”
She wept as she spoke now, silent tears streaming as she choked out the words. “I got the job, and I told him I had to focus on my career. He said I broke his heart. What do I do now?”
“Start healing.” Eve glanced over as Peabody came back.
“Mira,” Peabody said simply, and Eve nodded.
“We have someone who’ll help you.”
“I can take you.” Peabody offered Jessica her hand. “You can come with me.”
“I need to say it out loud.” After dragging in a few breaths, Jessica swiped the tears from her face. “I was raped. Nigel McEnroy raped me. Now I feel sick.”
“We’ll stop by the ladies’ room on the way. Here, let me take your water.”
With a compassion and efficiency Eve admired, Peabody slipped an arm around Jessica’s waist, led her from the room.
Because she felt a little sick herself, Eve rose. She wanted her office, door closed, ten minutes with her head on her desk to just breathe through it.