The Vatican - M.E. Clayton Page 0,43

with no bullshit.

I looked at my Dad. “And you?” I asked. “Didn’t you think I deserved someone who looked at me like you look at Mom?”

“You have that,” he replied equably.

“Maybe,” I conceded. “But at the time you made this decision for me, you couldn’t have known that.” I looked at all of them. “None of you could have known that Benetti would have come to care about me like that.” I wasn’t ready to say he loved me because I was still wrestling with my pride and I still had doubts. “There was every chance that you were saddling me with someone who’d tolerate me at best.” My voice cracked and my heart felt like it was breaking. “How you could guys love each other so damn much but still risk my heart on some fanciful whim of yours?”

“Ria, it didn’t feel like a risk,” Aunt Remy said. “We knew Francisco held you dear to his heart early on. I’m not saying we couldn’t have gone about it a different way, but it didn’t feel like a risk.”

I looked over at my aunt, my chest heavy and hollow at the same time. “Aunt Remy, for the rest of my life, I will never know what you six have. Don’t you get that?”

Her pretty face scrunched up. “What do you mean?”

“If Benetti truly does love me, I’ll never know if it’s because he really did fall in love with me because we’re destined for each other, or if he fell in love with me because you guys guided his decisions and manipulated his emotions to believe he was supposed to,” I explained. “I will never know the absolute security in knowing that my husband loves me more than anything in the world because he can’t help himself. Every time he tells me he loves me, I’m going to have these pockets of doubt, wondering if he loves me because what we have is real, or if he loves me because it’s what was expected of him by all of you.” I wiped at the tears that escaped. “And that fucking hurts.”

My mom’s tears finally escaped, and her sob was heartfelt. “Oh, Ria…” Aunt Robbie was already in tears, and Uncle Ciro had to pull her from her chair and wrap her up in his arms. And Aunt Remy looked gutted.

“I don’t know how to watch you guys be in love with each other and not resent you for it,” I told them honestly. “So, I’m not going to apologize for being angry. And I’m not going to apologize later when I don’t want to celebrate my anniversary or go on couples’ vacations or any of that shit.”

“Saveria…” My dad stopped himself. He couldn’t continue, and I didn’t feel bad about it.

“We can’t change what’s been done,” Uncle Luca said, finally speaking. “What do you need from us now? That’s all we can give you, Luca. We can’t give you a gateway to the past, or else, believe me, I would. So, what do you need from us now?”

I looked over at the man who gave me everything. The man who made it possible for my family to have everything they had. The man who brought us all together in a way that even blood families couldn’t fathom. I looked at him and the crash hit me hard and violently.

I started crying, and it was gut-wrenching sobs I felt from my soul.

I stood up and pain radiated from every part of me. “How could you?!” I screamed at him. “You gave me your son, but you took away my ability to love someone freely and completely!” I didn’t care who I hurt with my words. I needed to purge this helpless feeling that was threatening to pull me under. “You robbed me of the very thing you hold above everything else!”

“What do you want from us, Luca?” He asked again, his voice tortured. “I will give you whatever is in my power to give you.”

I felt Francisco’s hand on my shoulder, and it burned. “Don’t touch me,” I begged, my voice razor sharp. His hand fell away as I took in my mom, my dad, Uncle Ciro, Aunt Robbie, Uncle Luca, and Aunt Remy. “I…I don’t know,” I whispered brokenly.

“We’re so sorry,” Uncle Ciro said. “We really are, Ria.”

I wiped at the tears on my face and took a few deep breaths. I really didn’t know what to do, but I hadn’t forgotten what Francisco had told me outside either. So,