to take care of a baby, go to classes, do my homework, and play football. I’ve barely fucking slept this semester.”
Rider lets out a groan at Hank’s response. “Don’t fucking talk about her.”
I still, my heart suddenly erratic in my chest. Is he talking about me or Miranda?
I shouldn’t stand in the hallway eavesdropping. Nothing good can come from me overhearing a private conversation.
As I turn to go, his next words cut me to the core.
“When has a relationship with a woman meant anything to me?”
Oh, God. He can’t be talking about me. About us. Is he?
His voice is glacial, flaying me open as he goes. “I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times—I’m just blowing off steam. Just fucking around. All the women I’m with know the deal. It’s never serious! No one is gonna be hanging on to me when I get drafted. Is that what you want to hear? You’ve always said love is a lie. A con.”
My blood pounds in my ears.
It’s never serious.
Blowing off steam.
All the women.
Love is a lie?
What the hell?
For the third time in two days, I try to choke back the tears, but the torrent makes its way down my face.
I can’t confront that asshole while I’m crying!
Devastated, I back away from his door. Fly down the stairs. Out of the house. Across the street.
Once I’m locked in my room, I collapse on my bed and let out a sob.
At least now I know how he truly feels.
I give in to the heartbreak and hopelessness and the despair. I feel it all the way into the cracks of my soul.
Because I’m not just losing Rider. I’m also losing Poppy.
For a flash, I’m eight years old, in the back of a social worker’s dusty car, driving away from my mom’s ramshackle house all over again. Losing my brother. Losing my beautiful mother. Losing everyone who meant anything to me.
I shake my head. I can’t do this again. I won’t.
And I decide right here, right now—this is the last time I shed a tear over that man.
Fuck Rider Kingston.
65
RIDER
I loosen my tie and try not to cringe when Poppy fists it in her sticky palm.
When I woke up this morning and realized I didn’t have a babysitter scheduled, it sank in just how much I’ve taken Gabby’s help for granted.
I’m such an asshole.
The shame grows with every passing moment, but I promise myself that the moment I get out of today’s meeting, I’m hauling it to her place to beg her forgiveness. I’ve never begged a woman for anything, but I’ll do it for Gabby.
The more time that passes since our argument on Tuesday, the more I realize she had every right to be pissed. If I’d seen her hanging out with an ex the way she saw me with Miranda, I’d be ready to toss tables too. I never should’ve listened to Olly and waited to talk to Gabby.
Tank smacks me on the back as he sits next to me and gives me that look, the one he gives me when it’s do-or-die time, which is typically when I’m facing three-hundred-pound linebackers, not a room full of academics. But Coach warned me these people have the power to end my football career today.
It’s a humbling realization.
I’m seated at a long conference table across from eight administrators, which includes the provost of the school and the athletic director.
I hope I don’t regret turning down Miranda’s offer to help me with an attorney, but I thought long and hard about what Gabby said the other night. Combined with my roommates’ impressions that Miranda was after more than what she’s been suggesting, I didn’t want to owe her anything.
Whether Miranda’s somehow responsible for the situation I’m in right now, I’m not sure I have any way of finding out. Except I trust Gabby. As pissed as she is at me right now, she has a good head on her shoulders, something I lack at times, as my current situation reflects. But between her instincts on Miranda and my roommates, I think it’s best to distance myself from Mira right now.
The door behind me creaks open, and I turn to find the rest of my teammates entering. Everyone’s wearing a suit and tie.
The provost, Dr. Isaacson, jumps up. “Gentlemen, we cannot fit the entire football team in the conference room.”
Olly steps forward. “We’re here to support our captain. We’ll be quiet.” And then they all line up behind me.