a forlorn, shattered phone in the shape of a heart. The scattered pieces formed the pattern of tiny arrows. There was a short note on the other side of the paper.
The phone is dead. Will need to get a new one. I miss you.
I don’t know when I’ll be able to see you. Boss has bumped up my hours. I’m even busier now. I’m so stressed out and the boys have offered to cheer me up in the little time we have free after midnight. I’d much prefer seeing you.
The writing was sloppy. There was no attempt to coordinate another meeting, which worried me. This situation was untenable, and we were running out of time. When I met him, he was agitated and overextended, but this was worse.
Outside the window, the cityscape of Paris called out to me in tantalizing whispers: the Champs-Élysées, the Eiffel Tower, and all of the galleries and museums I’d yet to visit. I had planned to explore more neighborhoods, but it wasn’t as appealing without my gorgeous tour guide. I didn’t want to be out alone.
I flopped down on the bed and sighed.
The two Yu women on this side of the Atlantic were in rough shape. Nothing was going according to plan. My settled routine had been upended, and I spun like a compass needle searching for north. I had arrived in Paris with so much baggage, had tried so hard, only to have fate intervene. The woman who woke in the hospital was free, but freedom meant nothing without purpose. All my life, my peculiar propensity for predictions had defined me, had circumscribed the possible and narrowed my world. Without it, who was I? I had hated it, but it made me unique: I was now ordinary, but what did that even mean?
I stood up and began rearranging the decorative pillows on the bed, agitated.
Ines and Luc had been my project; they were happy, but how could I claim any credit? They had known each other for years. He would have made the right choice, eventually. It was a false sense of confidence: I tried with Girard and Aunt Evelyn and failed, taking a complicated situation and making it worse. And Marc and I were in limbo, a couple in name only.
I hadn’t helped anyone. This must be how my aunt felt when she was unable to help me. The disappointment spread into the other aspects of my life until I, too, was dissatisfied.
What was I supposed to do? The uncertainty shook me.
I did what I had always done when I felt this way: I sought out my mother. It was early morning back home. Ma would be cradling her cup of coffee and clicking through her celebrity gossip blogs.
“Ma?”
“What’s wrong?” My mother picked up on my mood despite being thousands of miles away.
I detailed the meeting with Girard and the situation with Marc. I yearned for guidance and her wisdom.
“For Evelyn, there isn’t anything left for you to do.” There was a pause and the sound of sipping coffee. “As for your boyfriend, Vanessa, you know what to do. Why are you really calling?”
Forty-Five
Ma’s powers of perception overshadowed my own when it came to my emotions. She already knew. I’d ask if she had clairvoyance, but her insight only pertained to me. A form of foresight forged by maternal love.
“I can’t hide much from you, can I?” I asked her over the phone.
“I love you and, of course, I pay attention because I care. I only made you and no replacements.” My mother often used that phrase to denote my lack of siblings.
“I feel lost, Ma. I don’t know what to do with my life, or even where to look for answers.”
“Your life changed recently. It would be unusual to not be introspective, but you’re young still, you can take the time to figure it out. I don’t know what you’ll become, but I know the moment you get an inkling, your feet won’t be able to run fast enough to get you there.” She chuckled.
“I hope it’s soon. You know how impatient I am.”
“I do. And you’ll make this work with Marc. As for Evelyn, we’ll have to wait and see. I have never seen her upset. She is one of those rare types who keep their emotions to themselves. As upset as she is, though, I don’t see her holding on to grudges for long. That’s Ning’s specialty. Evelyn is strong. She is a Yu, whether she admits it or not.”