Until Alex - J. Nathan Page 0,97

to clean, I crossed my arms and leaned against the sink, staring across the rooms at Hayden who stared back. “Why are we doing this? You clearly don’t want to tell me anything.”

He took in the distance between us. He wasn’t happy about it. “It’s an open investigation. I can’t say anything that could incriminate me or you. The less you know the better.” He tilted his head, his eyes pleading with me to understand.

I knew he’d do whatever it took to protect me. But when he said he’d open up and be honest, I expected more. “The two men who were killed. Did they have anything to do with the gun pointed at your head?”

He stared at me for what felt like forever.

Though we were two rooms apart, the gravity of the situation hit me fiercely in both the head and the heart. “If they weren’t killed…” I swallowed down the knot in my tightened throat. “You would’ve been?”

His stare didn’t waver. Even as I walked back into the living room and sat down beside him, his gaze remained impenetrable.

I trailed my fingertips lightly over his features. Features I never would’ve seen again if those men had their way.

Life had been so cruel to Hayden. So careless with him and his emotions ever since he was a child. What had that done to the man sitting in front of me? How had it shaped him? What had it forced him to do to survive?

I didn’t really want to know the answer to my next question. But I needed to know. “Have you ever killed anyone?”

I saw the second my words registered. He blinked and his eyes shot away.

If I didn’t care about him the way I did, I would’ve grasped how disconcerting his reaction was. But I did care about him. And he hadn’t admitted any wrong doing.

So why were his knuckles clenched and his jaw tight?

Minutes slipped by in deafening silence.

I wanted to scream for him to tell me already. Tell me the truth. Tell me what he was hiding. But I knew if I wanted answers, I couldn’t push him. I needed to be patient.

He finally looked back at me.

His eyes slid shut, and his head gave way to a slow painful nod.

Time stood still.

My stomach dropped to the deepest depths of hell.

I’d asked the question, but couldn’t have anticipated his response.

I had no time to brace my heart. My head. My emotions. I had no time to think about what the news meant for him. For us. How could this guy who saved me, who treated me like a precious gem, who kissed me and handled me so delicately, take someone’s life?

I didn’t believe it. There had to be more.

With his eyes still closed, Hayden’s head fell back against the sofa. “I was eighteen.” His voice came out low and raspy. “Remy and I had been working for Cooper for a while. Back then we were both hotheaded and angry and wanted to beat the hell out of anyone who crossed us. That’s why Cooper had no problem relying on two teenagers. We got the job done.”

His eyes opened, focusing solely on the ceiling, while his ashen knuckles grasped his knees. “We were beating up this guy. Kicking and punching him ‘til he was unconscious.” A solitary tear slipped down his cheek.

Even after what he’d admitted, it took everything in me not to move to him. But I needed to hear everything. I needed to understand.

“We heard sirens. We knew we needed to get out of there. But we were in an alley. Surrounded by a wall. Only one of us was making it over. Remy didn’t blink an eye. He linked his fingers and boosted me to the top.” Hayden finally looked at me, staring me dead in the eyes. “He was the only one there when the cops showed and declared the guy dead.”

The weight of the secret he’d been concealing released from him and his tears fell freely. He made no attempt to hide them or wipe them away.

I couldn’t take anymore. I moved closer, latching onto his arm and holding on tightly. “It was an accident.”

They were my words, but I couldn’t be sure who I was trying to convince more. Him or me.

My emotions were in total disarray. This guy I needed with every fiber of my being had taken someone’s life. How could I ever look at him the same way again? How could I ever justify what he’d done?