Until Alex - J. Nathan Page 0,78

conscious at that moment wasn’t it.

Un-fucking-believable.

I’d hate myself in the morning for putting on the brakes, but I’d hate myself even more if my first night with Alex was forever associated with what brought me to her apartment in the first place.

Almost being murdered was no joke. Add to it, two men died at the hand of my best friend. That shit didn’t just go away, no matter how preoccupied my mind was or how much I wanted Alex.

I glanced up from my spot below her naval. She rested on her elbows, her confused eyes locked on mine. I pushed myself up beside her, this time running my fingers over the soft and flawless skin on her face.

“Did I do something wrong?” She sounded nervous. In desperate need of reassurance.

“What? No. You’re perfect.” I leaned over and pressed my lips to hers, lowering her down from her elbows to her back. I kept my pace slow, trying to reassure her through our connection. Through the way we fit together. “I just want to wait until everything’s right.”

“So time’s not on our side?”

I laughed, loving how she never forgot a thing I said.

Her hand slid slowly down my chest, leaving a tingling sensation in its wake. “Something tells me you may be wrong about that.”

As much as I hated admitting it, I’d been wishing Alex would touch me like that for a while. And real life surpassed even my most vivid fantasies.

Shit. Her hand hadn’t stopped at my shorts. It slid beneath the waistband. I grabbed it with a death grip. “Not tonight, sweetheart.” It took more effort than expected to say the words.

With embarrassment in her eyes, Alex pulled her hand away. “Well, this has got to be a first for you.”

“What?”

She glanced at my tented shorts. “Saying no.”

“Oh, I’m not saying no.” I pressed myself into her thigh, letting her feel what she did to me. And how much I wanted her. “I’m just saying not tonight.” I leaned down, letting my lips and tongue devour hers. Her groans and sighs were music to my ears and by far the most adorable thing I’d ever experienced. I pulled back, nuzzling my nose gently to hers. “I told you I’m changing. That starts now.”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, lucky me.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

ALEX

The ringing phone in the living room pulled me from a sound sleep. I kept my eyes closed, loving both the soft comfort of my bed and the strong arms holding me from behind.

Hayden’s steady breathing told me he was still asleep, so I took the opportunity to just be in his arms. Be secure. Be completely content that he was safe.

As much as he tried to hide it, what happened the previous night scared the hell out of him. I knew real tears when I saw them. And those were definitely tears on his face when he showed up at my door.

I hoped he meant what he said about changing. Because I wouldn’t be able to sleep if he continued working with Remy. The not knowing. The fear of where he was and who he was going to see. The risk he took stepping onto someone else’s property demanding money. He didn’t have nine lives. One of these nights, he wouldn’t be so lucky. And that knowledge would destroy me every time he left his apartment.

“Alex, it’s me,” my aunt’s voice projected loudly from the answering machine. I cringed, hoping she wouldn’t wake Hayden. “Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday, honey. Sorry I won’t be there to share it with you. But we’ll celebrate when I get back on Monday.”

“Happy birthday, sweetheart,” Hayden whispered in his husky morning voice.

I twisted in his arms and rested my cheek against his bare chest, realizing my bra was the only thing separating us. “Thanks.”

“Were you gonna tell me?”

I shrugged as he pulled me tighter. “Careful for your ribs.”

He didn’t let up his grip. “They’re fine.”

I inhaled his aloe scent, absorbing it like I needed it to function. “Can I ask you something?”

“Go for it.”

I pulled back and looked up into his eyes. Even with his unshaven face which I discovered last night concealed a bunch of small cuts, he was gorgeous. Even more so knowing he planned to change—and I might’ve had a little something to do with it. “Have you ever called me beautiful?”

His forehead creased.

I laughed. “That didn’t come out right. I wasn’t fishing for a compliment or anything, I swear. It’s just, when I was in the