Until Alex - J. Nathan Page 0,43

was my parents’ plane. I asked them to invite his parents to our vineyard.” More tears trickled down. “I don’t even think my parents wanted to go, but they did it for me. Me. Their wonderful daughter who sent them out of town so she could spend the weekend alone with her boyfriend.” Tears replaced her words.

Jesus Christ.

She blamed herself.

I reached over and lightly rolled one of her soft waves of hair between my fingers.

“No one could determine who was flying the plane. The news claimed it was my dad because he’s—he was—a licensed pilot.” Alex brushed more tears off her cheeks.

“So after the accident, my friends chose to be there for Preston, not me. They stopped taking my calls. My texts. It’s like they erased me from their lives.” A humorless laugh slipped from her lips. “Preston was the one to break the news to me. He actually ended the call with ‘This is all your fault.’”

My body stilled.

Those words.

That weighty accusation.

Misconstruing my appalled face, Alex shrugged. “I wasn’t lying when I said I have no one.”

I had no idea what to say. She’d just unloaded...everything. The hell she’d been through. The shitload of guilt she’d been carrying.

If anyone knew guilt, it was me. I knew its far-reaching capabilities. I knew its endless power. I knew the intolerable pain it dispensed. “I’m sorry.”

Alex’s eyes flashed to the ceiling, allowing my words to hang in the air as she purged her tears.

I placed my hand on her shoulder.

Her eyes dropped to it.

“I know it’s no consolation…” I needed her to hear me, to believe me, so I waited for her to lift her eyes. “But you’ve still got me.”

A sad smile slanted her lips. “I didn’t give you much choice, did I?”

“There’s always a choice.”

Her eyes cast down.

“Hey.” I lifted her chin with my index finger so she had no other option but to look at me. “You said it yourself at Jake’s. You’re a survivor.”

“I’ve cried every day since they died. A survivor deals with it head on. I’m not dealing. I’m pretending it never happened. And failing miserably.”

“Everyone deals with death differently.”

She raised a brow. “So now you’re a shrink?”

I hesitated, choosing my words carefully. Unwilling to divulge more than I needed to. “I’ve had my fair share of loss. Don’t let the fun-loving personality fool you.”

Alex smirked.

Thank God.

Her sharing something so personal scared the hell out of me. I needed to move us away from the serious shit before she thought question time was a free-for-all. “Seriously, Alex. Don’t underestimate yourself. You’re pretty amazing.”

She averted her gaze, glancing around my room for no other reason than to avoid my eyes. “Thanks. Even if you are just saying it to get in my pants.”

Something between a gasp and a laugh burst out of my mouth.

She finally looked at me, blinking away the film of tears coating her eyes. “I mean, come on. Amazing. Survivor. You’re pulling out all the stops tonight.”

“Tell me about it. I’ve never had to work so hard.”

We shared a laugh. A comfortable laugh in a place that never saw any conversation. It felt good to share something real with another person. And strangely, a person I wasn’t in a rush to throw out of my bed.

“But you’ve got to know, it’s not gonna happen.”

I flashed her my cockiest grin. The one that sank my dimples. Girls loved the dimples. “Oh sweetheart, I know the effect I have on women. If I wanted in, I’d be in.”

Alex cocked her head. She didn’t buy it. And I kind of liked that she didn’t. She saw through my bullshit. And if I wasn’t careful, she might actually see me. “So you’re saying you don’t?”

I shook my head. “I’m saying, timing’s everything. And tonight, time’s not on our side.” What could only be described as disappointment stretched over her features. Well, hell. “I never said tomorrow it wouldn’t be.”

Her lips spread into a short-lived smile that faded as her eyelids grew heavier, drooping before my eyes. “Hayden?”

“Yeah?”

Her voice lowered. “Do you snuggle with those girls you bring home?”

I swallowed hard. “What girls?”

“Come on. I’m sad and lonely, not stupid.”

I couldn’t even think of other girls with this beautiful and vulnerable girl in my bed. I was completely screwed. “No, Alex, I don’t snuggle with those girls I used to bring home.”

She arched her brows. “Used to?”

“Seems my priorities have recently changed.” I watched the lump in her throat drop. But there was no way I’d let her off