Unleashing Sin - A. M. Wilson Page 0,60
on his erection sure appeared to be a genuine response. That could also be my naïvety and a normal reaction for a man.
There’s no denying I want to figure this out—with him—but I’m also afraid of my reaction to being sexually touched. What if I’m not ready? What if I completely panic and turn him off me forever? Or the hardest one to imagine, what if he doesn’t want to do those things with me? I can’t imagine myself opening up to any other man.
I finish folding and load up the clothes into the basket to bring to his closet. I learned while getting a tee to sleep in that Alex doesn’t use hangers like he did at Elias’s. He has a closet lined with shelves, each one for a different item. I figured since he was out for a while, and I’ve been sleeping in a lot of his clothes, I could take care of putting away his laundry. If anything, it’s another step in my recovery. Abduction at sixteen didn’t leave me a lot of time to learn basic life skills like living on my own. Something I’ll have to figure out now that I’m free.
Just as I’m putting the empty basket back on the floor under the racks, the front door rattles. My hackles raise for a split second before I calm myself down.
“Hey, I’m back.”
“Do you think I’ll always be this jumpy?” I spin to face the doorway and find Alex leaning against the jamb. The carpeting of his living room softened his heavy footfalls.
His brow creases in concern. “Did I scare you?”
My heart leaps at his tender expression. I can’t bear having this distance between us while he looks at me like that. Crossing the space, I reach up and run my fingertips along his bearded jaw.
“A little.” I sigh. “I knew it was you all along, but that didn’t stop my heart from pounding as soon as I heard the door rattle.”
He cups my hand against his face and smiles softly. “Give it time.”
That feeling from earlier rushes through me with a vengeance. As if a little time away from his presence made the desire that much stronger. I don’t know what I’m going to do.
“Are you okay?” His voice breaks the connection.
“Yeah,” I answer a little breathless. “I think I may be tired.”
Pulling our hands away from his face, he leads me into the other room, and we settle onto the couch in the middle. The TV remains off. After a few beats of silence, I turn to Alex with a puzzling glance.
He cocks his knee in front of him, resting on the cushions and stretches his arm still holding my hand along the back. The move forces me to turn and face him, and the look on his face stills my heart.
“What is it?”
Alex releases a sound crossed between a grunt and a huff of laughter and shakes his head. “You’re starting to read me better than Elias. That’s saying something because I like to think of myself as an unreadable man.”
“Well, when you look at me like that, it isn’t hard to tell there’s something on your mind.”
“You’re right about that. I took the liberty while I was out to make a phone call.” He launches in, not one for bullshitting around. “I spoke to Doc and found someone able to see you. A female doctor.”
Anger hits instantly. Unlike anything I’ve ever felt before, the intensity scares me. “I thought I said no.” I grit through my teeth.
“Yeah, and I gave you a week to think that through. When you didn’t talk to me about it, I made my own arrangements.”
“Gave me time?” I pull my hand from his and stand. “I thought you weren’t talking about it because it’s my decision.”
“It is, and it isn’t. I’m not going to stand by and watch you live in pain when I can do somethin’ about it. That’s not the kind of man I am.”
“So you’d rather compromise my safety and make decisions for me? Is THAT the kind of man you are?”
I swear he growls under his breath.
When he doesn’t say anything further, simply sitting infuriatingly on the couch watching me, I goad him further. The anger feels like it’s suffocating me, and like the only way to relieve myself of this fury is to let it out.
I should have taken a second.
I should have thought my words through.
I didn’t, and I regretted it immediately.
“So let me get this straight. I take