Unhinge - Calia Read Page 0,65
story of us….”
Reagan leans back until her chair taps against Xander’s. His reason for being at Fairfax is unknown. I just know that he talks to pretty much everyone and he’s been here longer than I have. Reagan says none too quietly, “What are you doing?”
“Quietly reading!” Xander shouts back. “You should try it sometime.”
“You guys,” a nurse warns. “Keep it down.”
Reagan catches me staring. Her chair lands on all four legs loudly, making me flinch. She rests her chin on the back of the chair and stares at me. “Whatcha doin’?”
“Watching you talk to Xander.”
“How long have you been here?” she asks out of nowhere.
“A long time,” I reply tersely.
“How long?” she repeats. “Four years? Five? Two? Gimme a ballpark figure.”
If this is her way of striking up a conversation she needs to do better. Anger simmers inside me, just begging to rise to the surface. I try my hardest to push it down. “Does it really matter?”
“Of course it does. One month in this place is the equivalent of a decade in prison.”
I bite down on my tongue to keep from saying something I know I’ll regret later. It’s obvious I don’t want to talk to Reagan. Yet she stays put, and stares at me.
“How’s your daughter?”
“Fine.”
“Where is she?”
I sit up straight and glare at her. “With the nurse.”
“So not only is Fairfax a loony bin, it’s also a fucking daycare center. How quaint.”
I don’t respond.
“We should have a sign made for outside. I can see it now.” She spreads her hands in the air, as if a rainbow will appear between them. “ ‘Fairfax: Making your kids crazy one day at a time.’ ”
Reagan’s words run alongside Alice’s perfectly: “Fairfax is no place for a baby.”
The very thought makes my anger grow.
I should take deep breaths. Smile and pretend she’s not there. But my world is in a downward spiral and I’d love to wrap my hands around Reagan’s neck just to get her to shut up.
“I’m dying to know why you’re here,” she says.
Before I go, I place my hands on the table and lean in. “The cardinal rule at Fairfax is to never ask someone how they got here, why they’re here, and how long they’ve been here. And something tells me this isn’t the first time you’ve been to a place like Fairfax. Surely you know the rules of the game by now.”
I know my words touch a nerve. Her eyes slightly widen before she smiles slowly. “That’s a fucked-up thing to say.”
I shrug. There’s a good chance I might be sorry later, but not right now.
“Here’s why I think you’re here. You wanna know?”
I walk away and say over my shoulder, “No.”
“I think you’re here because you’re weak!” she shouts. I stop walking. The blood drains from my face. I don’t turn around but I can feel Reagan’s smile on my back.
“Yes, that’s right, you’re weak. You walk around like you own this fucking place, thinking your facsimile life is perfect, but the truth is you’re weak and spineless. You’re a victim.”
Victim. Reagan spits the word out like it’s poison.
I can’t take it anymore and whip my body around. “Shut up.”
Reagan smiles and jumps out of her chair. She stands behind another patient. “Talks to her hand. Doesn’t know the days. Crazy.”
She runs to the next table, slides into an open seat, and points to a woman staring at the clock. “She thinks the year is 1993. Kurt Cobain is still singing and Clinton is president. She’s a goner.”
Then she slowly stands and looks me in the eyes. “But you? You see you. You speak. You are here. Yet you cower to everyone around you. A single challenge becomes a roadblock and you give up. All you do is carry that stupid baby around—”
Reagan is crazy. Reagan is loud, always making jokes and pointing out the problems with everyone else just so no one will look at her and take notice of her issues. I know all this and yet I rush back over to where she stands. I’ve taken the bait.
“Shut up!”
“You can change her stupid fucking diaper. You can feed her and sing her all the nursery rhymes you want. But it won’t change a thing. You want to know why?” She leans in close. “Because you’re a bad mom.”
Xander swears under his breath. He’s not laughing. Susan is in the nurses’ station but she stands slowly from her chair, watching Reagan with a critical eye. Alice smiles.
Do not take the bait, I