Unforgettable (Gloria Cook) - By Gloria Cook Page 0,44
cleaned in corners and reached up to high places she had done only the day before, but it was how she coped, how she kept hysteria at bay, how she got through the days and more importantly the gnawingly lonely nights. It was all she could do for Finn and Eloise for her emotions were shut down, dead. Learning so brutally that Aidan no longer wanted her, and because she still loved him despite of it, she didn’t really want to be alive at all. If she didn’t have to consider Finn and the baby . . .
If Eloise woke before her next feed was due then Fiona would take her to the room she was working in, prop her up with cushions and surround her with toys leaving Eloise to amuse herself, or be distracted by watching Fiona’s movements. Fiona never spoke to Eloise, hardly looked at her. If downstairs, she would switch on the wireless and that was the way Eloise heard human voices when they were alone. When Eloise needed a feed, although she knew it wasn’t a good thing to do, she would lay the baby on her side and prop her bottle up on the cushions and Eloise would suck at the teat until she was finished. Fiona then winded her and changed her nappy and once Eloise was sleepy she’d take her up to Finn’s room for the afternoon, or better still, sometimes Dorrie or Belle would take her out in the pram. Unless he had business to see to, Guy turned up every weekend. Fiona cooked for him and it was nice for a while to chat to him, and smoke with him outside: she couldn’t bear ash in the house and there was Eloise to consider. Guy didn’t mind her rules. Thoughtfully, he never stayed overnight to prevent scandalous gossip.
Fiona took muted pleasure in the things she had chosen for Merrivale. The floral, brocaded sitting-room suite was new and wonderfully comfortable. A lot of the things were new and some were carefully selected from auction rooms, all in warm, light-coloured wood. Some of the furnishings had come from Guy’s house, treasures of his grandmother, small porcelain pieces, a Georgian wall clock, a whatnot, platters for the kitchen dresser. New glass replaced the boards at the broken windows. The kitchen and bathroom plumbing were fully modernized. The fourth bedroom had been prettily designed as a nursery, but Finn, protective of Eloise, wanted her in with him until she was a little older. ‘I don’t want her feeling unwanted and lonely,’ he said. Fiona knew this was a barb at her lack of bonding with Eloise, something he was fervent to compensate for himself.
She was dusting and polishing the fully furnished guest bedroom even though neither Guy nor any one else was ever likely to sleep there, and she sighed, irritated to hear Eloise begin to fret. ‘Wait. Go back to sleep. It’s not time yet.’ She ran the feather duster over the top of the wardrobe, the curtain rail, the pair of wild herb paintings and her baby’s low cries became increasingly pitiful wails. ‘Must be wind,’ she thought impatiently. ‘I’ll see to it then get on in the bathroom.’
Pushing back Finn’s bedroom door, which he kept ajar so Fiona wouldn’t miss Eloise’s cries, she marched up to the cradle, picked up her baby without glancing at her face, put her loosely against her shoulder and rubbed and patted her back. While doing so Fiona looked out the window to the side of the cottage and down on the newly turned earth, planted by Hector Evans with late cabbages, onions and potatoes. They would need watering again this evening, she ruminated. Guy had placed a water butt for this purpose, filled by the rain that had intermittently spoiled all or part of the last few days. Eloise gave a couple of loud burps and her crying eased away. Eloise smelled sweet but Fiona checked her nappy for wetness. It was slightly damp. It could wait a bit longer to be changed. Laying Eloise back down Fiona put a little soft lamb on her chest and put her tiny warm hands over it. ‘Play with that then go back to sleep.’ Again she did this without looking at her daughter’s face. She felt nothing for Eloise. All she wanted for her was to stay safe.
Finn always threw the covers over his bed and Fiona waited each morning until Eloise needed attention before she made