Unfinished Business - Nora Roberts Page 0,72
grab me?”
“No.” If he did, he wasn’t sure if he would kiss her or strangle her.
“Oh.” She felt the confidence that had built up all during the flight, all during the interminable drive home, dry up. “Does that mean you don’t want me?”
“Damn you, Vanessa.”
Battling tears, she turned away. This wasn’t the time for tears. Or for pride. Her little ploy to appeal to his sentiment had been an obvious mistake. “You have every right to be angry.”
“Angry?” He heaved the ball away. Delighted, the dog raced after it. “That doesn’t begin to describe what I’m feeling. What kind of game are you playing?”
“It’s not a game.” Eyes brilliant, she turned back to him. “It’s never been a game. I love you, Brady.”
He didn’t know if her words slashed his heart or healed it. “You took your damn time telling me.”
“I took what I had to take. I’m sorry I hurt you.” Any moment now, her breath would begin to hitch, mortifying her. “If you decide you want to talk to me, I’ll be at home.”
He grabbed her arm. “Don’t you walk away from me. Don’t you walk away from me ever again.”
“I don’t want to fight with you.”
“Tough. You come back here, stir me up. You expect me to let things go on as they have been. To put aside what I want, what I need. To watch you leave time and time again, with never a promise, never a future. I won’t do it. It’s all or nothing, Van, starting now.”
“You listen to me.”
“The hell with you.” He grabbed her then, but there was no fumbling in this kiss. It was hot and hungry. There was as much pain as pleasure here. Just as he wanted there to be.
She struggled, outraged that he would use force. But his muscles were like iron, sleeked with the sweat that heat and exercise had brought to his skin. The violence that flamed inside him was more potent than any she had known before, the need that vibrated from him more furious.
She was breathless when she finally tore away. And would have struck him if she hadn’t seen the dark misery in his eyes.
“Go away, Van,” he said tightly. “Leave me alone.”
“Brady.”
“Go away.” He rounded on her again, the violence still darkening his eyes. “I haven’t changed that much.”
“And neither have I.” She planted her feet. “If you’ve finished playing the macho idiot, I want you to listen to me.”
“Fine. I’m going to move to the shade.” He turned away from her, snatching up a towel from the court and rubbing it over his head as he walked onto the grass.
She stormed off after him. “You’re just as impossible as you ever were.”
After a quick, insolent look, he dropped down under the shade of an oak. To distract the dog, he picked up a handy stick and heaved it. “So?”
“So I wonder how the hell I ever fell in love with you. Twice.” She took a deep, cleansing breath. This was not going as she had hoped. So she would try again. “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to explain myself adequately before I left.”
“You explained well enough. You don’t want to be a wife.”
She gritted her teeth. “I believe I said I didn’t know how to be one—and that I didn’t know if I wanted to be one. My closest example of one was my mother, and she was miserably unhappy as a wife. And I felt inadequate and insecure.”
“Because of the tuna casserole.”
“No, damn it, not because of the tuna casserole, because I didn’t know if I could handle being a wife and a woman, a mother and a musician. I hadn’t worked out my own definition of any of those terms.” She frowned down at him. “I hadn’t really had the chance to be any of them.”
“You were a woman and a musician.”
“I was my father’s daughter. Before I came back here, I’d never been anything else.” Impassioned, she dropped down beside him. “I performed on demand, Brady. I played the music he chose, went where he directed. And I felt what he wanted me to feel.”
She let out a long breath and looked away, to those distant Blue Mountains. “I can’t blame him for that. I certainly don’t want to—not now. You were right when you said I’d never argued with him. That was my fault. If I had, things might have changed. I’ll never know.”
“Van—”
“No, let me finish. Please. I’ve spent so much time working all this out.”