‘It’s Tom. He’s gone missing. He’s been gone for two whole days. My aunt thinks he might be on his way back here.’
‘Oh, Julia, I’m so sorry,’ said Lizzie.
All at once, Abigail, sensing the desperate atmosphere in the room, came up and put her arms around Lizzie’s waist and held her tightly, and the three of them stood there in silent communion.
There was a knock at the door, and Julia wiped her face. ‘We can’t tell Agnes anything. She worries enough as it is. I don’t need her going on about this for two days.’
Lizzie nodded and started to put on Abigail’s coat, ready for Agnes. They had only been gone for about fifteen minutes when the door knocker sounded again. Julia walked out into the hallway, opened the door, and stood in surprise as an older, official-looking man on the doorstep asked her in a sombre tone, ‘Mrs Julia Sullivan?’
She was taken aback. Oh God, what was this? She was so scared. She nodded her head, ‘That’s me.’
‘I’m so sorry to tell you. I have a telegram for you.’ He handed the small brown envelope to Julia, and she looked down. It could be the one that went astray from her auntie. But it looked more official than usual and then it hit her. Was it possible that when she was already feeling so wretched that this was about John?
The person on the doorstep looked at her sympathetically.
‘Sorry, love,’ he murmured as he walked away.
Lizzie joined her in the doorway. ‘What is it?’
Julia looked down. Her hand was trembling, her own name blurring in and out as she stared at it on the outside of the official-looking envelope. ‘I can’t open it, Lizzie. I can’t take any more bad news today.’
Lizzie led her friend back into the kitchen and sat her down. ‘Take a deep breath, Julia. Do you want me to open it for you?’
Julia nodded and then stopped her halfway through. ‘I’m not ready yet. I’m not ready to know that he’s dead.’
Lizzie’s eyes flicked up to hers as she started to sob. Lizzie waited patiently as she squeezed Julia’s hand.
Finally, Julia nodded. ‘All right, I’m ready now. You can open it.’
Lizzie slowly sliced the envelope open and pulled out the sheet of paper that was inside, unfolding it. It felt as though it took her forever to read it, but when she did, Julia saw that her shoulders didn’t sink. The look on her face wasn’t anguish. ‘It’s not bad, Julia. He’s not dead.’
Julia collapsed then onto her forearms, sobbing on the table. She didn’t care what the rest of the letter said; she just hadn’t wanted to hear the words that he was dead. After a good cry she blew her nose in a handkerchief that Lizzie fetched for her, and took the telegram from Lizzie.
‘Dear Mrs Sullivan, we are sorry to inform you that John Sullivan is missing in action…’ and then she felt the cruel twist of fate, like a knife carving out her insides. So, this was just a precursor letter to the one that would tell her he was dead?
Lizzie must have sensed her fear. ‘You’ve got to have hope, Julia. Lots of people are missing in action and come home, are wounded or captured. Don’t automatically think the worst.’
Julia nodded her head, knowing that what Lizzie was saying was sensible, but the cascade of emotions that were going through her body right now made her feel like her whole family was being torn apart. Tom was missing, dear sweet little Tom, and somewhere out there in some godforsaken foreign land her husband, the only man who could make her smile, the only man who could make her laugh until she cried, the only man who could love her in a way that made her weak at the knees, was who knows where, alone and lost.
‘How can they lose people? That sounds ridiculous,’ she sobbed as she blew her nose again.
‘Oh God, Julia, what a horrible day. Look, if you want to go down to the Cotswolds, I could stay here today.’
Julia shook her head. ‘I’m going to go to Marylebone station though. Maybe they’ve heard something or they know something, I can at least tell them about him. I’m going to wait a little while. I know he may be back already but I need to let the police know here to look out for him, just in case.’
Lizzie nodded. ‘I’m not on duty until later. You go