Undeclared (The Woodlands) - By Jen Frederick Page 0,1

the uniformity of their jeans, the dark, plain T-shirts, and the heavy-soled boots. I took three more pictures in rapid succession.

“So Grace,” Amy called from behind me, “are you still coming over tomorrow to take rush photographs?” Her voice must have carried, because through my lens I could see the dark-haired guy’s head jerk up. My heartbeat stuttered, and I moved my hand up to spin the focus on the zoom for a close-up, just as the blond guy bent down and obscured my view. I heard my name again but didn’t move, my eyes glued to the scene in the library entrance below.

I felt something sharp in the region of my heart at the sight of them. I lifted my hand almost unconsciously and pressed a fist against the upper curve of my left breast, as if I could physically press the pain away. I thought I had finally stopped envisioning every brown-haired soldier as my Marine. This wasn’t Noah Jackson, my pen pal of four years, and his blond-haired best friend Bo. These were just two random college guys. Probably on the lacrosse team, by the looks of the muscles on their arms. I blinked rapidly, and resolutely turned away, walking the short distance between the desk and the railing. Between reality and make-believe.

I cleared my throat and deliberately focused on Amy. “Yes, I’ll come over tomorrow.”

“What time?” Amy was one of the rush chairs, and she wanted a photograph of the Alpha Phi house to put on the rush invitations. I pulled out my phone to check the weather app. I preferred cloudy days, because sometimes sunny days made the photos look washed-out from overexposure in the light. The weather app suggested 10 a.m. would be a good time. But I had class at 10.

Peering over my shoulder, Lana suggested, “What about after lunch?” Then she added under her breath, “It’s just for the sorority.”

I made a face at her. I didn’t care about much, but I did like my photographs to look good. “Have you guys talked to the Delts?” For the photograph Amy wanted, I’d need to be high up, and the fraternity house across the street was four stories. If I were at the highest level, I’d probably be able to get a halfway decent photo, sun or not.

“Yup. It’s all cleared with Jack,” Amy said, waving her hand in front of her face. I couldn’t tell if she was indicating he was hot or smelly. At my lack of response, Amy clarified, “Jack’s the president of the Delta Tau Deltas.” I guess the hand movement indicated hot.

“She doesn’t care,” Lana said, to forestall more painful examination of hot guys and their absence in my life.

I gave her a little push to start her moving around the desk. I needed to send the photos I just took to my laptop. Not because I wanted to magnify the images of the two guys but just to see how they turned out.

“I’ll come to the house after lunch,” I said. With that, Amy and the other Alpha Phis wandered off, but Lana remained behind. I didn’t want her watching me as I looked at the photos. “I’m going to study,” I told her in an effort to get her to leave, but my attempts to shoo her along were met with a skeptical glance.

“Right. One week into classes and you’re going to study.” Her tone was flat and disbelieving. “What is it that you’re going to do that you don’t want me to know about?” I fought the urge to look at my camera, at the balcony. I wasn’t sure what she had noticed as I took the pictures.

“Unhealthy realities can be constructed out of imaginary occurrences as a coping strategy disguised as wish fulfillment,” Lana said. She had definitely clued in on my preoccupation with the two guys downstairs.

“I only understood every third word of that,” I muttered.

“It means get real,” Lana said. “See you at home.” She turned, her blonde hair swinging out behind her as she caught up with her sisters.

I forced myself to wait until Lana had walked off the balcony before I rushed over to the camera. In my haste, I fumbled a bit with the controls and almost knocked the tripod over before I was able to email the images to my account.

The time that it took the images to load on my laptop was excruciating. Glaciers moved faster. When the photos finally appeared in my inbox, I zoomed in