"That's what I've been thinking about recently. It's why we're here," he said. They'd arrived at a door, and the Abbess stopped in front of it.
"And no doubt why Elka feels angry," the nun remarked.
"She's tried to talk me out of it."
"It's because she's frightened for you, I imagine."
"Yes, she doesn't want to learn the truth about me."
"And perhaps you will regret it when you do," the Abbess commented.
"I might. I'm terrified to find out if I'm some sort of lawbreaker. Considering how she found me - tied up, beaten, a prisoner of the emperor's soldiers - it seems there is every likelihood that I could be someone on the wrong side of the law."
"This occurred ten anni ago, you say?" He nodded. "That was a time of vast upheaval for the Set. We were not an empire then. The various realms were trying to come to terms with slaughter and devastation, with their royals slain and the kingdoms in disarray. Emperor Loethar may well be a magnanimous ruler now but he was nothing more than a bloodthirsty tyrant at the time of your troubles, young man. Who is to say that you were not a rebel, fighting back on behalf of one of the crowns - Penraven's, maybe?" She squeezed his arm for reassurance and gave him a conspiratorial smile. "Take heart. You came here for help. You want answers. Do not enter this doorway if you're not sure you want to hear them."
He hesitated at the query in her expression. "The sister who first met us said the Quirin sees no men. How come - "
"She doesn't see many people at all. And we discourage men entering our convent. You are special."
"Why?"
"Because of who brought you. She knows our rules. She knows to ask this is a mighty request."
"Then why would you permit this, Abbess?"
"For that very reason, my son. Elka knows what she was asking, but still she asked. She must love you very much."
He stepped back.
She regarded him with a narrowed gaze. "You didn't know?" she inquired gently.
"I've never really considered it," he admitted, shaking his head, feeling his mind move into a momentary chaos.
"Has it not been obvious?"
"No!" he said quickly. "Not at all. We are the closest of friends and her family, her whole people, have been so generous to me that I owe all of them my gratitude...my life."
"But you don't love her," she said, without query or damnation.
"Yes, I love her, Abbess, but as I would love a sister or a brother. She is family, she is my closest companion. I trust her, I adore her, I would see no harm come to her. She has never given me any indication of this...until..." He scratched his head, feeling fidgety, suddenly uncertain of everything again.
"And yet I only had to see how she looks at you to know that Elka would give her life for you."
"And I for her, Abbess!"
Her face creased into a serene smile. "You would do it out of duty and respect. She would do it because her heartbeats only for you. But until you know who you are, you will not be much of a partner, lover, or husband to anyone. Elka will accept you as you are because she loves you, but even if you did feel the same way, she would be destined for unhappiness until you discover your history. The Quirin can put you back on your rightful pathway, I suspect."
"And the Quirin is prepared to assist me...being a man I mean?"
"She makes no distinction but she is contrary and her way is the only way. She will not walk another path so don't try to control her."
"I don't understand."
"You will, my child. Now, some facts you need to know. The Quirin is deformed...and old. So old, in fact, I wonder how much longer she will be with us. I see that shocks you."
"I suppose you never think of such gifted people being mortal."
"Oh," she smiled. "She is very mortal, I'm afraid. She can do nothing for herself. We feed her, bathe her, we are responsible for her every need and desire. But she wants for little, and asks for even less, so a lot of the time we have to guess what it is that is best for her. She has been with us since she was a little girl. She is much older than me." The Abbess beamed. "Even though I know that's hard for you to imagine."