The Tycoon's Unexpected Baby (The Abbot Sisters #3) - Elizabeth Lennox Page 0,50
few blocks away from that shooting.”
Pepper was still confused. “And?”
He rubbed his thumb over her cheek, wiping away another tear. “And, you didn’t do anything to stop it, Pepper.”
She pulled back, irritated now as she grasped the direction of his argument. “Right. You’re saying that I couldn’t have stopped the shooting last night any more than I could have anticipated the fight at the coffee shop. But you’re missing one very important fact, Dimitri.”
“What’s that?” he asked gently, knowing what she’d say next.
“I wasn’t the mother of the person who was shot last night,” she whispered through the pain that seemed to be crushing her soul.
“No.” He moved closer. “You weren’t the mother. Nor was I the father. But my point is still relevant, Pepper. You didn’t anticipate last night’s tragedy, just as you couldn’t have anticipated two men losing their cool.” He held both of her hands tightly, not letting her pull away. “In other words, you are human. You have frailties. You can’t anticipate everything, Pepper.”
She shook her head. “That’s not the point.”
“Yes. That’s exactly the point. And what’s more, you have to stop punishing yourself, and me, for your human frailties.”
“I’m not punishing myself,” she argued vehemently, pulling at the robe, trying to tighten the sash. Pepper felt incredibly vulnerable and wasn’t sure how to stop his words. They hurt in a strange way.
For a long moment, he stood in front of her, waiting for her to stop trying to pull away. To pay attention to what he was about to say. “You’re punishing yourself by pushing me away, Pepper. You love me. With all of your heart, you love me. I know it, so don’t try to deny it.”
Pepper stared, that pit in her chest aching harder now, and remained stoically silent.
His fingers dove into her hair, loose after her bath and her long sleep. “You think that finding comfort with me would ease your pain and you want to wallow in your pain as punishment for what you perceive as your fault. But it isn’t working. Denying yourself isn’t painful enough, is it?” His thumb slid over her hair in a gentle caress. “So, you hurt yourself more by not eating. Not enjoying life the way you used to. You are punishing yourself by eliminating anything that used to bring you joy.”
He was right! Pepper hadn’t realized she was doing so but…! “You’re wrong. I’ve moved on and am just…”
“You won’t even let the sunshine come in through your windows, Pepper. Remember how you told me that you didn’t care about the thin windows in this building because you loved the sunlight so much?”
She cringed at the reminder and glanced towards her windows with the drapes closed. Her shoulder lifted, dismissing the observation. “I had a headache the other day. The sunlight hurt my head.”
He shook his head. “Ah, love, if that were the only issue, I’d take you at your word. But you’ve pushed me away. And I allowed it because I blamed myself.” He paused and moved closer. “You see, I’ve been punishing myself as well. Which is why I recognize your efforts. I can love you. I can make you feel better and you don’t think you deserve to feel better. So you push me away.” He sighed. “I let you because you make me feel better, Pepper. You make me feel as if the sun is always shining. Just a glance from your beautiful blue eyes can soothe the all-consuming hatred I felt for myself because I wasn’t there to protect you and our baby. So, I let you push me away.”
She closed her eyes, squeezing them tight as she began, ever so slowly, to absorb his words. “I don’t… I don’t need you,” she muttered, but her lips trembled with the lie. Deep down inside, she knew that he was right. She was punishing herself by denying herself his presence, his love, and his comfort. Because being with Dimitri made her feel better.
“Maybe you’re right,” she finally replied, sighing and pulling away, grateful when he let her this time. “Maybe, I am punishing myself. But…” she wiped away another tear. “But if I…If I don’t feel bad, then am I forgetting our baby? Am I just dismissing her from our lives? From my heart?”
He shook his head. “I worried about that too. But I don’t think so.” He shoved his hands into his pockets and turned away, hiding his expression. “Will you ever forget her?” he asked.