Will, but Will stopped him. “No, it’ll be warmer like this.” He guided Martin to sit between his legs, and Martin leaned against Will’s chest, no fewer than three quilts pulled up to his chin. It was lovely just being this close to Will, just knowing this was something he was allowed. He could feel Will’s heartbeat against his shoulder blade, could feel him breathe. Even without the stars, this would have been enough.
“You can see Ursa Major,” Will said, gesturing to a patch of sky near the plane tree. “And if you look for Polaris, which is right over the overhang on the pig pen, you’ll find Ursa Minor.”
Martin supposed that if he squinted he could detect a star that was brighter than the others, but as for the rest of them, he’d have to take Will’s word for it. “Did you learn these at sea?”
“Not those. Everybody knows those. I remember showing them to you when we were boys.”
“I always suspected you made half of those up, like you made up the stories you told me.” Martin was wondering if perhaps he needed spectacles—if, somehow, in decades of being tended by various nurses and medical men, they had all missed something as obvious as that.
“I made some of it up, sure,” Will said, and Martin laughed. Will kissed his temple and Martin found himself pressing into it, curling his body even closer against Will’s. He let out a sigh, something between relief and anticipation, because he had wanted this for so long, just a sign that he wasn’t the only one who wanted. He knew he was wrong to want this, knew that Will would be throwing away all his goodness and honor on someone as unworthy as Martin. Then, as if that sigh had given voice to everything Martin felt, Will kept kissing him—first his forehead, then his cheek, then the side of his neck, all while stroking his hands up and down Martin’s sides.
“God,” Martin said. Every nerve in his body felt alive with sensation. This—whatever it was, this heady combination of arousal and affection—didn’t quite push away all the unpleasant illness-related sensations, but rather coexisted alongside them.
“Is this what you wanted?” Will murmured into Martin’s shoulder, his voice raspy.
Something about that question brought Martin up short—he imagined Will doing all this to humor him, and it made him want to shy away.
“I mean,” Will said, “are you all right with me holding you like this?”
“Yes,” Martin said immediately.
“Good.”
Martin suspected he was supposed to be doing something. With his hands, perhaps, or more likely his mouth. He doubted that most of Will’s many lovers had just sat there in his lap. And yet, Will hardly seemed to be suffering. At that moment he was nuzzling into the place where Martin’s neck met his shoulder, as if he wanted to get as near to Martin as he could. At the same time, Martin could very plainly feel Will’s erection pressing against his back. There was no ignoring it—except Will did seem to be ignoring it. God, Martin wanted to touch him. He wanted to lie down and have Will’s body cover him, press him into the ground, never ever stop kissing him.
“You know, I thought the consumption killed all that,” Martin said, letting out a shaky breath.
“Killed what?” Will asked, moving so he could nuzzle into the other side of Martin’s neck.
“My prick, William, pay attention. I thought it was broken.” He heard Will wheeze and felt him shaking against Martin’s back. “You had better not be laughing at me.”
“I’m not. It’s just funny. Especially since every morning I see for myself that it’s working perfectly fine.”
“Well, now it is, especially since I wake up with yours ramming me in the thigh half the time.” Without even planning to, he pushed back, gently pressing against Will’s length.
Will hissed and jerked his hips forward, then stayed there, not moving, just holding their bodies close together.
Then Martin sneezed and Will handed him a handkerchief so he could blow his nose, and the tension was broken. Or, rather, not broken, just eased enough that they could live with their arousal and not feel like they had to do anything about it.
When they went indoors, Will threw open the curtains and shoved the bed against the wall, announcing that this way Martin could see the stars without having to go outside if he didn’t want to, then pulled Martin down into bed beside him. They fell asleep tangled up together, and