him when he wasn’t around and I kept thinking about him and how it felt to be with him. I wasn’t sure where my path was taking me but I hoped Adamo would join me on it, at least for a little while longer. I didn’t dare look too far into the future.
“Dima can’t come with us to Vegas. That wouldn’t go over well with Remo,” Adamo said.
Dima and I didn’t talk much but he’d returned to camp with me after my last trip to Chicago. I wasn’t sure if it was on my father’s orders or if his own protective streak had come through. “Then we’ll have to sneak away. I doubt he’ll listen to me if I tell him to stay behind. If my father gave him orders to guard me, he won’t let anything stop him.”
“Then we’ll sneak away after the next race. He rarely stays long for the afterparty. And maybe you can slip a couple of sleeping pills into his drink. I can give you something strong.”
I shook my head. While I trusted Adamo with myself, I wasn’t sure if I should trust him with Dima’s life. He was a Bratva soldier after all, and definitely the first one Adamo would kill. “I’ll handle it.”
Adamo chuckled. “All right. But you don’t have to worry. If I wanted to get rid of Dima, I wouldn’t do it the cowardly way. I’d beat him in a fight to the death.”
“That’s a consolation,” I said dryly.
Adamo brought our faces even closer and kissed me. The kiss was sweet with a hint of possessiveness. He nipped at my lip before he pulled away. “Why Dima?”
“You mean why I dated him?”
“Yeah,” he said. “You and him were together for a few years, right?”
“Three years.”
“So why him? At first, I thought he was jealous of us but now I’m not so sure anymore. He definitely disapproves but I’m not sure it’s because he wants you for himself or if there’s another reason. But you definitely look at him as if he might just as well be your brother and not your ex.”
“Are you jealous? I haven’t been with him in over a year, and not with anyone else either.”
“Just curious. I still think he acts more like a protective brother than a former lover. It’s odd.”
“More odd than a Falcone and a Mikhailov getting it on?” I asked, trailing my fingers down Adamo’s muscled chest and abs.
Adamo chuckled. “Nice try.”
I sighed. I’d known Dima almost all my life. He’d been friends even before my mother had taken me away and afterward, he’d been the one whose company I sought as well. Unlike the adults, he didn’t look at me with pity and horror. He didn’t really know what had happened. That would change later and so would the way he treated me, but he’d always been by my side.
I reached for the cigarette package on the ground beside me and lit a smoke up, then took a deep drag from it. Usually this was a topic that felt too personal, but Adamo and I had reached a point in our…relationship where I wanted to share more of myself. It was a surprising and terrifying realization.
I let out a plume of smoke before I twisted my head around to Adamo “I wanted to be in control, wanted to experience sexuality on my own terms. In the past…” My voice died. I squinted at the glowing tip of my cigarette for a couple of breaths before I could speak again. “The things that were done to me…everything was out of my control. I had to endure the pain, the fear and humiliation. But with Dima, even when it was painful, that was my choice. He let it be my choice. Dima was a safe option. As my bodyguard, he was meant to protect me. Father would have killed him if he’d hurt me. He is my father’s man through and through. I knew he’d never do anything I didn’t want. With him I could do what I wanted, get the power back that was taken from me as a child.”
Sex with Dima had been…freeing in a way because it had been on my terms. It hadn’t been forced upon me. Everything was my choice. But it had never felt…right. I’d never really let go of my control so fully until Adamo. Dima and I had been a bond of convenience. Dima had probably hoped it would give him an advantage in the long-term