body at all times. It all made sense now. Even before I’d found out the truth, I’d considered her strong, now her strength seemed almost inhuman.
When the first tents of camp came into view, my chest tightened. I was fucking nervous about seeing her again, about doing what I’d promised not to do, about seeing her in a new light. And not just that, a small trickle of doubt about her motives remained. Maybe she would be disappointed if I returned without having killed her mother and everyone else.
A quick scan revealed Dinara’s Toyota at the very edge on the west side of camp. I steered my car in that direction.
The moment she spotted me, Dinara headed my way from where she was talking to one of the pit girls. This was the moment of truth.
I’d been anxiously awaiting Adamo’s return from Vegas, wondering if Remo had revealed my past to him. Part of me wanted him to know, because it would make things easier. Adamo might be more willing to help if he knew why I was doing what I did. On the other hand, I’d enjoyed our time together, the sex and conversations, the way he treated me like his equal. He didn’t consider me breakable. I’d proven my strength to him. But once he knew about my past, none of that would matter.
People only saw that one aspect of myself once they found out, as if it was all that defined me. The molested child. The rape girl. It was a big part of me, no doubt, and haunted me to this day, but I didn’t want special treatment because of it. I wanted to be treated like anyone else, not someone breakable or vulnerable or damaged. I was neither of those things.
The moment Adamo’s car pulled into camp, I excused myself from Kate, the pit girl with the angel voice, who was a kickass cook as well, and headed toward him. My pulse picked up when Adamo got out. One look from him, and I knew Remo had told him enough. As expected, it had changed the way Adamo regarded me. I wasn’t only Dinara, Bratva princess and race driver. I was the poor girl from before.
I did a U-turn and stalked back to my car, not in the mood for that kind of confrontation.
I was angry, but beneath that, I was scared, scared of losing the connection Adamo and I had developed, our easy-going interactions. It was one of the reasons why I loved being part of the race camp. Nobody knew who I’d been before, what had happened. Back in Chicago, everyone did, and despite the years that had passed, it still often showed in the way they looked at me and treated me. How was I supposed to leave the past behind if even bystanders couldn’t do it?
I was so fucking scared of having people here look at me the same way, of Adamo looking at me that way. It was one of the reasons why Dima and I hadn’t worked out, why our relationship had been doomed from the very start. What had made him appear a safe choice for a relationship in the beginning had ultimately been the nail in our coffin.
Soon steps followed me, and my heart beat only faster.
I hated feeling scared. It reminded me of that girl Adamo now mistook me for. I never wanted to be her again.
“Dinara!” Adamo called and finally caught up with me at my car.
I whirled on him and stared into his eyes, waiting for him to say something, but at the same time so fucking scared of what that would be. Adamo touched my shoulder. Even that simple touch seemed more hesitant than any of our touches in the past.
Adamo watched me not saying a word. He didn’t have to. His eyes spoke a clear language—the tongue of pity. I hated nothing more than that. “So Remo told you everything?”
I’d given Adamo the ok, had given Remo the ok, but maybe a stupid part of me had hoped Adamo would let it rest. It was idiotic. Eventually he’d find out. It was inevitable if I wanted to move on with my plan.
Adamo ran a hand through his hair and glanced away. A myriad of emotions swam in his eyes. “Yeah, not everything but enough.”
He wasn’t telling the truth. There had been a moment of hesitation before he’d answered.
I shoved away from the car. “Don’t. Don’t lie to me to protect me.”