the tip. She flipped the lighter almost angrily and finally lit up her cigarette. I sat up as well so I could see her face but she was squinting at the burning tip. Finally, she turned to me, her eyes hard. “And what would that be?”
“She was abused by her uncle when she was a kid.”
Dinara let out a bitter laugh and took a deep drag of her cigarette, blowing out the smoke slowly. “Did her mom get cash for selling her little daughter too? Was she raped by a dozen guys, sometimes while her mother watched?”
“I know you didn’t experience exactly the same but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t understand the trauma you went through. Maybe talking to her will help you.”
She glowered at me. “Do you handle trauma the same way Remo or Nino do? The shit that happened in your youth, the death of your mother? No, you don’t. But for some reason people think that all rape victims are the same, as if we all deal with the shit the same way. As if all of us want pity and be coddled as if suddenly we’re frail.”
“I don’t coddle you nor do I fucking pity you, and I most definitely don’t think you’re frail.”
“But when you found out, that’s exactly what you thought.”
Anger rose in me. I snatched the cigarette from her mouth and snuffed it in the ashtray. “I didn’t fucking know what I was thinking. I was shocked by the shitshow Remo lay down at my feet.”
Dinara rolled her eyes. “You were shocked by what you saw? I lived that shitshow.”
I ran a hand through my hair with a sigh. I grabbed Dinara’s hand and to my surprise she let me, even allowed me to link our fingers. “I know. Fuck, Dinara, I want to help you.”
“And you are, and you already did by helping me take out these assholes one after the other.”
“You think that’s enough?”
She stared into my eyes, not saying anything for a long time. “I don’t know but it made me feel better, at least temporarily. I guess I’ll just have to determine what I want now, and how to live with the demons I can’t kill as easily.”
I could see a weight falling off when we left Las Vegas behind. The city would always be associated with painful memories for her. Linking our fingers, I caught her attention. She gave me a distracted smile.
“Do you feel different?” I asked.
“Different than before we started our vendetta?”
I nodded.
She considered that. “Yesterday I would have said “no”. It felt as if I was falling into a black hole, but I’m starting to realize what we accomplished. The people who hurt me and other girls are gone. My mother is gone and they can’t ever hold power over me again.”
“You’ll feel even better after the upcoming race.”
Her smile became less tense. “I really missed racing. I never thought it would grow on me so much.”
“You never thought I’d grow on you so much either,” I joked, wanting to lighten the mood further.
Dinara rolled her eyes but then she leaned over and distracted me briefly with a kiss. “You caught me by surprise. That won’t happen again.”
“I already have your heart.”
“You do, now you’ll just have to keep it,” she said teasingly. She sank back against the seat, her shoulders relaxing for the first time since yesterday.
“Now that I have it, I won’t give it back.”
Dinara’s gaze became distant. “We’ll just have to convince our families.”
“It’s our life. They’ll have to accept our choice.”
Dinara gave me a look that made it clear it wouldn’t be as easy as that. I knew she was right, but we’d already gone through so much and I wouldn’t let anyone tear us apart.
Being back at camp actually felt like returning home. I loved my childhood home in Chicago, but it had always felt like a prison of sort. When I lived there, I had to abide by certain rules. Dad’s soldiers and the staff required that I reflected a certain image. Not to mention that Dad preferred to see a version of me that had little resemblance to the real Dinara.
Kate, the pit girl with the beautiful voice greeted me with a hug when I ran across her on my way to the toilet trailer. I could see us becoming friends in the long run, if I stayed in camp and really started seeing it as my home. If she’d heard what had happened, she didn’t let it