Truths Unveiled - By Kimberly Alan Page 0,28

plane to Newark, New Jersey. Taking his seat, he glanced again at the remaining ticket in the blue and white envelope. The connecting flight to Boston’s Logan Airport left at six.

“I should have gone to her years ago,” he repeated for the thousandth time under his breath. Tasting a familiar bitterness in his mouth, he thought about his sons. Contrary to his original belief, marrying Susan hadn’t made any difference in the way things eventually turned out. Well, he’d learned his lesson. Given this second opportunity, he wasn’t going to make the same mistake again.

But what could have happened? He asked himself again. What made Pam run? He wracked his brain, rewinding the past thirty-six hours. Did he miss a clue? What went wrong? Why did she leave like that? Excuse me, Lord. Hello? What’s going on?

****

The seven hour trip back to Boston whizzed by in a total blur. After driving through the dark, early morning hours, Pam arrived at the airport and paced the length of it, waiting for the first flight to Boston. Thank God for an available seat.

Exhausted, she unlocked her condo door, threw the bolt behind her and disconnected the telephone. The red message light on the answering machine blinked wildly, but she ignored it and pulled the plug out of the wall socket.

Finally safe, the devastation Pam fought to suppress while out in public immediately overtook her senses. A sudden wave of nausea sent her head and her stomach reeling. Reaching for the couch, she collapsed, keeping one foot on the floor in the hope of stopping the room from spinning. At the same time, she heard and felt an uncontrollable sob erupt from deep inside her soul.

“Dear God, please make this stop! I can’t fight it any more. Show me what to do to fix it. Please!”

At the same time, Pam called upon the concentration skills she’d perfected during medical school and tried to compel her mind to gain control. It didn’t work. Images of the accident, so vivid she could touch them, invaded her thoughts. They forced her to relive that horrible nightmare again and again and again. Eventually, she cried herself to sleep.

For a blissful moment, in between sleep and waking, Pam’s mind blocked out the details of her dilemma. All that remained was a nagging knot in the pit of her stomach and a dull buzzing sound in her ears.

Inevitably, like most mornings, scenes of the accident came rushing back into Pam’s consciousness. Sometimes it came like one huge wave crashing down upon her. Other times it came in quick glimpses. Either way, she’d grown accustomed to them and managed to escape their paralyzing hold by bolting up from bed and whisking through her morning routine. Then she’d race to the hospital to immerse herself in her work. Only there, in the emergency room, could she clear her thoughts. Only there did she feel her life produced any value.

Over the years, the wound that had shredded Pam’s heart and soul finally began to heal. But now it felt raw again, as if savagely ripped open once again, exposing even the tiniest nerves.

“I knew I shouldn’t have gone back!” she chastised herself. “I knew someone would remember. Ryan Collins’ family still lives in the area. And Megan’s, too.” And that’s why she had stayed away so long. What happened could not be forgotten or forgiven. But with her away, at least they weren’t faced with seeing her day in and day out. One of them must have heard she’d come back. Their own grief probably resurrected itself and compelled them to break into her hotel room. Not only was she a reminder. She was also a sitting duck for their unresolved pain.

Disoriented but now awake, Pam willed herself to function as close to normal as possible. She would get through this, she resolved. First, she’d shower. Then she’d gather the documents she needed to accept the position at Chicago General and take them with her to the hospital. Next, she’d email a thank-you note to Marlene Everett and decline the position in Middleton.

Feeling somewhat more in control, Pam headed for the bathroom. With that issue settled, one still remained. Tom. No matter how hard she tried to dismiss him, he remained constant in her thoughts. Being with him this weekend made her realize how lonely she’d been. How isolated she lived her life. But that could not be avoided, she reasoned, if she intended to keep the promise she made to God