This was bad. I already knew what I had to face when I got there.
It almost made me not go at all.
When I walked in the door, she was on the couch, her cheeks puffy because she’d been crying. Her eyes were red, her olive skin was flushed and blotchy because the tears must have lasted for a while.
This torture was worse than the beating Damien had given me.
Because this killed my soul.
She didn’t look at me, her knees to her chest with a blanket draped over her, her arms wrapped around her legs. She was completely closed off from me before I even walked in the door.
I moved to the couch, watching her not look at me. I sat on the couch beside her, staring at the side of her face, observing her look at the other wall of the living room instead of me.
I’d already lost her.
“Baby.” I took a deep breath as I felt her slip away, felt her move further and further into the distance, felt her soul fight against the rope that bound us together months ago.
Nothing.
“Give it time,” I whispered to her, wishing she would turn and look at me, that she wouldn’t give me the cold shoulder like this when we’d just been a forest fire hours ago. “The wound is still too fresh right now. I will fix this, but you need to give me a chance. Don’t pull the plug yet.”
When she spoke, her voice was defeated. “He’s not going to change his mind…”
“Right now.”
“Ever.”
My heart was beating so fucking hard right now. “Don’t give up on me. Don’t give up on us.”
Her arms tightened around her legs. “Please don’t make this harder for me…”
“It’s gotta be hard—but we’re worth it.”
“Heath—”
“No.” My breath came out shaky, because I’d never wanted something so much in my entire fucking life. She was everything to me, my family, my best friend, my woman. “You told me you would give me a chance. You have yet to do that.”
She slowly turned to me, finally revealing her entire face, all the damage her sobs had caused. “He said letting you live is the hardest thing he’s ever had to do, but he did it for me. That’s the most he can give.”
“You’d be surprised what a man can give when he loves someone…” I believed Damien could give more, if he had more time to let the past become the past. Everything happened only a month ago. It was practically the present.
“I can’t live this way, Heath.” She shook her head. “I’m so close to my family. I go over there all the time, play chess with my father, have dinner with everyone all the time… I can’t lose that.”
“You never will.”
“But it’s already different.”
“I won’t come to your shows anymore. We won’t go out in public anymore.”
“And that’s not the relationship I want to have. Don’t you see that?”
“It’s just temporary.” I had to keep my voice controlled even though I wanted to let my emotions out of the cage and burst from my lips. “I know you’re upset right now. I’m sure he said things that hurt you—”
“My brother has never spoken to me like that before.”
“Because he’s upset—and he’s entitled to be upset. But I’m telling you, those emotions will fade…in time. You need to give me time.”
She turned away again.
No.
“I’m sorry…I am.”
“I don’t accept that.”
“Well, you have to.” She got to her feet and let the blanket slide off her legs and back to the floor. “Please don’t make this more difficult for me. I told him how I felt about you. I told him I want to be with you…even marry you someday. And it didn’t make a difference.” She placed her hand over her eyes, like she didn’t want me to see her cry. “I don’t have the strength to have this conversation with you, to have this argument, especially when I’m not going to change my mind. So please…just go.” She walked behind the back of the couch then across the kitchen, moving slowly like her body was broken, and then entered her bedroom. She shut the door behind her. And then it went quiet.
The guards stopped me at the entryway.
“No more money for you.”
My emotions were at the surface, a combination of rage, ferocity, and agony. So, I didn’t have the patience for this. I yanked the rifle out of one of the guard’s hands, smacked him hard in the head, and did the same to